This is what happens when the Manninos make pizza. awyeah. it was delightful. you should be very jealous. :D
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Dinner..
This is what happens when the Manninos make pizza. awyeah. it was delightful. you should be very jealous. :D
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Distractions.
I don't really have anything to blog about. but I feel the need to type and just say hi.... I'm actually avoiding doing some school... I'm calling this "taking a break" but really, I don't need a break and I could easily be going about my studious business. but no, I'm a looser. XD
Hi.
I'm a Cc.
what are you?
that's exciting.
hmm.. well, this weekend I cleaned. a lot. like, serious deep cleaning. like the kind where you clean, and then you clean so deeply that you make a huge mess, and then you clean that up, and then everything smells like cleaner and dust and it's all shiny. that kind of cleaning. and you usually end up rearranging furniture too... with my bedroom, it's so small, that there are limited ways you can rearrange it. but I did anyway. I scooted my bed about 3 feet so the head is against the opposite wall. it feels all new and snazzy now. 3 feet can make all the difference. :D
This weekend I also went on an excellent hike at Bowl and Pitcher with my two best friends Rachael and Mara. That was lovely. It's always nice to have a day were you just laugh and laugh until your sides hurt. Rachael can drive now, so we drove there together, all spiffy with the music cranked up high and our sunglasses on (not really. I don't believe any of us had sunglasses on... but we were eating Fudgesicles! makes us just as cool, right?!) , and then remembered that we don't really know how to get to Bowl and Pitcher. so we wondered about, slightly lost... and then I figured out how to work the GPS, but by then we were already on the right road, headed straight towards our destination. so much for that. all in all, it took us about an hour to get there when it could have only took us 20 minutes. but it was a fun time.
It was a simply gorgeous day out, just perfect for walking around and enjoying Gods creations. We walked and talked and talked and walked, and climbed rocks, and found some pretty blackish blue sparkly dirt that we decided to take home... and yes, we did indeed walk back to are cars with it in our hands. kinda looked like we were carrying poop around... but it was totally worth it. :D and then we ended the expedition with some fabulous Froyo, which we ate at this lovely little spot on the south hill that looks over all of Spokane. Now that's what I call a good day. out
So that was my Friday. Probably the most exciting part of spring break. A lot of my friends went to California or Hawaii or what ever on their spring break. Honestly, I think that day was probably better then their trips combined.
Donuts are really really disgusting. I just had half of a leftover donut from yesterday. It was nummy... but now I have a headache, and that greasy aftertaste in my mouth. Gross. Who decided that frying bread in a ton of fat and then putting a bunch of sugar filled frosting on top was a good idea? It's not. it just makes America obese. And makes Cc grumpy. They should have a label on donuts that say "Do not take if you are a Cc, side affects include grumpiness, obesity, headaches, and general unpleasantness". Cause I really do need a reminder that I really hate those things... I forget... Every time. Kinda like Hot Dogs! hehehe.... My cousin and I have this inside joke about that... She lives way on the other side of the country, and she and her family usually come over here for a few weeks during the summer for the Annual Family Reunion. and you know how family reunions are. They're basically a reason for the men to get together and BBQ. Every night. And occasionally oysters are served. hmm. maybe this is just what happens at our family reunions. but anyway, the BBQ starts and you start to smell hamburgers and Hot Dogs, and after a long day of swimming you're pretty hungry, and as you go through the buffet line, those Hot Dogs look and smell really good. and so Cc says "maaaan, I want a Hot Dog, it'll be worth the calories. I'll just ignore the fact that they're made out of.... hmm.. we wont go there." and so she has a Hot Dog. And every time after she takes her first bite, the immediate response is ALWAYS "I. HATE. HOT DOGS." and her darling cousin Teresa will respond "I know. told ya so." Anyway. It's not really that great of a story. I could have just said that I hate Hot Dogs. but no. I just had to elaborate. because that's what I do. :)
Hmm. I suppose I should get on with my day. I don't especially want to. I've been having a hard time being motivated to do anything lately. which is rather frustrating, cause there is so much to be done. and I just don't want to do any of it. it's weird not having a show going on... I know it's only been a week, and I've closed several shows in the past 6 months, so it shouldn't be all that strange. but it's like, right now I'm looking at about 6 months straight without theater... and that's. weird. I wonder how long it will be before I start going through serious withdrawals... :P probably not long.
I've recently started playing piano again. It feels good. I can tell my fingers have really missed it. I took a break cause.... Well, there's actually no reason why I took a break. I stopped taking lessons, I picked up the guitar, I got caught up in theater, and piano kinda got pushed to the side. mostly I just got lazy about it. It's rather depressing. I really love the guitar a lot, but there's something about the piano... the challenge... that I really like a lot. guitar is a breeze for me. I pick up on things super super fast. but sometimes you need something that really pushes you. so yeah. it's good to be back on track.
okay. I really am going now. *Sigh* see how my brain is right now? it's just all over the place! You know what else I wanna do that I haven't done yet? I wanna learn Italian dang it! graaaaaaaaahfdlajermf. see. there we go again. I have the attention span of a bumble bee. I better go. really. really now. :-/
Going....
Going..
Goooooooing...
Gone.
Hi.
I'm a Cc.
what are you?
that's exciting.
hmm.. well, this weekend I cleaned. a lot. like, serious deep cleaning. like the kind where you clean, and then you clean so deeply that you make a huge mess, and then you clean that up, and then everything smells like cleaner and dust and it's all shiny. that kind of cleaning. and you usually end up rearranging furniture too... with my bedroom, it's so small, that there are limited ways you can rearrange it. but I did anyway. I scooted my bed about 3 feet so the head is against the opposite wall. it feels all new and snazzy now. 3 feet can make all the difference. :D
This weekend I also went on an excellent hike at Bowl and Pitcher with my two best friends Rachael and Mara. That was lovely. It's always nice to have a day were you just laugh and laugh until your sides hurt. Rachael can drive now, so we drove there together, all spiffy with the music cranked up high and our sunglasses on (not really. I don't believe any of us had sunglasses on... but we were eating Fudgesicles! makes us just as cool, right?!) , and then remembered that we don't really know how to get to Bowl and Pitcher. so we wondered about, slightly lost... and then I figured out how to work the GPS, but by then we were already on the right road, headed straight towards our destination. so much for that. all in all, it took us about an hour to get there when it could have only took us 20 minutes. but it was a fun time.
It was a simply gorgeous day out, just perfect for walking around and enjoying Gods creations. We walked and talked and talked and walked, and climbed rocks, and found some pretty blackish blue sparkly dirt that we decided to take home... and yes, we did indeed walk back to are cars with it in our hands. kinda looked like we were carrying poop around... but it was totally worth it. :D and then we ended the expedition with some fabulous Froyo, which we ate at this lovely little spot on the south hill that looks over all of Spokane. Now that's what I call a good day. out
So that was my Friday. Probably the most exciting part of spring break. A lot of my friends went to California or Hawaii or what ever on their spring break. Honestly, I think that day was probably better then their trips combined.
Donuts are really really disgusting. I just had half of a leftover donut from yesterday. It was nummy... but now I have a headache, and that greasy aftertaste in my mouth. Gross. Who decided that frying bread in a ton of fat and then putting a bunch of sugar filled frosting on top was a good idea? It's not. it just makes America obese. And makes Cc grumpy. They should have a label on donuts that say "Do not take if you are a Cc, side affects include grumpiness, obesity, headaches, and general unpleasantness". Cause I really do need a reminder that I really hate those things... I forget... Every time. Kinda like Hot Dogs! hehehe.... My cousin and I have this inside joke about that... She lives way on the other side of the country, and she and her family usually come over here for a few weeks during the summer for the Annual Family Reunion. and you know how family reunions are. They're basically a reason for the men to get together and BBQ. Every night. And occasionally oysters are served. hmm. maybe this is just what happens at our family reunions. but anyway, the BBQ starts and you start to smell hamburgers and Hot Dogs, and after a long day of swimming you're pretty hungry, and as you go through the buffet line, those Hot Dogs look and smell really good. and so Cc says "maaaan, I want a Hot Dog, it'll be worth the calories. I'll just ignore the fact that they're made out of.... hmm.. we wont go there." and so she has a Hot Dog. And every time after she takes her first bite, the immediate response is ALWAYS "I. HATE. HOT DOGS." and her darling cousin Teresa will respond "I know. told ya so." Anyway. It's not really that great of a story. I could have just said that I hate Hot Dogs. but no. I just had to elaborate. because that's what I do. :)
Hmm. I suppose I should get on with my day. I don't especially want to. I've been having a hard time being motivated to do anything lately. which is rather frustrating, cause there is so much to be done. and I just don't want to do any of it. it's weird not having a show going on... I know it's only been a week, and I've closed several shows in the past 6 months, so it shouldn't be all that strange. but it's like, right now I'm looking at about 6 months straight without theater... and that's. weird. I wonder how long it will be before I start going through serious withdrawals... :P probably not long.
I've recently started playing piano again. It feels good. I can tell my fingers have really missed it. I took a break cause.... Well, there's actually no reason why I took a break. I stopped taking lessons, I picked up the guitar, I got caught up in theater, and piano kinda got pushed to the side. mostly I just got lazy about it. It's rather depressing. I really love the guitar a lot, but there's something about the piano... the challenge... that I really like a lot. guitar is a breeze for me. I pick up on things super super fast. but sometimes you need something that really pushes you. so yeah. it's good to be back on track.
okay. I really am going now. *Sigh* see how my brain is right now? it's just all over the place! You know what else I wanna do that I haven't done yet? I wanna learn Italian dang it! graaaaaaaaahfdlajermf. see. there we go again. I have the attention span of a bumble bee. I better go. really. really now. :-/
Going....
Going..
Goooooooing...
Gone.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Big Sister Number 4.
well, it's day 3 of Cc without Dina. I still feel her lagging around here and there, but she'll be gone within a week or so. it's amazing how much a show like that takes outta you. I'm so drained, both emotionally and physically. I've really been taking it easy this week, and just tryin to get back into Cc life again. the last two days have been really hard. I felt sick yesterday, and couldn't explain it. Everything about me just felt dead. and it was unfortunate too, because it was a beautiful day outside. probably the last nice day we're gonna have for awhile.
Towards the end of the day I played tag with my little siblings and that was fun. We were home alone for awhile, and so we made the best of it by playing together outside and eating ice cream while watching a movie. I also got to introduce them to a friend of mine over skype. that was super fun. It kinda hit me that my family doesn't really know any of my friends very well... and that was sad. I'll probably blog about that later. But it was really fun.
I've been learning that I really like my little siblings a lot. They really are incredible little people. I know it's kinda stupid that I'm learning it now... but sometimes it takes time. I usually just leave them to themselves, cause you must understand, Maleny and David are like twins that were born 5 years apart. hahaha. You never see one without the other. And sometimes I feel like I can't be apart of that. So I let them be and just stay out of their way. David adores Maleny, and Maleny is a wonderful big sister, teaching David about life. It's really very beautiful. I'm not really sure why it was never like that for me and Maleny. or me and Clara. maybe it's because Maleny is so short and is more accessible to David then I was to Maleny. Maybe it's because Maleny prayed every night for about 4 years for a younger sibling before David came along, so she has a lot of extra grace from that. I don't know. but I've become rather jealous of the relationship those two have. so I guess I kinda want to slowly integrate myself into that friendship. I guess I'm also kinda lonely.. My big sisters are all grown up and away from the house. I'm just little independent Cc. Now me and my little siblings are more equals then we have been before. Cause when Karen and Clara are home, I'm apart of the Big Girls. I'm the youngest of the big kids, rather then the oldest of the little kids. but when the big kids are gone, I become the oldest of the little kids, ya see? and somehow that puts us on different grounds. I used to think it was a bad thing that I was on the younger side of the 6. but not lately. I kind of enjoy being one of them. being the big sister. chasing them around the yard. baking cookies with them. taking them to the park. laughing with them at their ridiculousness. watching and being present to them. it's a little hard for me, because I live such a different life then they do. I'm bigger, I have lots of events to go to and friends to be with. I spend far too much time on the computer when I could be hanging out with them. so lately I've been trying to balance that out. make sure I spend time with them. it's hard to remember sometimes. cause they're off on their own so often. just like I'm off on my own. but sometimes when I'm on the computer or doing my own thing, I'll have to remind myself that I'm apart of a family and have little siblings who need a big sister. or want one. I'm not really sure. and then getting the will power to get off my butt and spend time with them is pretty hard. but It always feels good afterwords. I've realized that I really have missed a lot of their life cause I was caught up in my own. and that's sad, but it's okay, cause it was just what needed to happen. these few years I've needed to find out who I am, and really focus on me... but I think it might be time to be the big sister. before it's too late and I'm off to college.
I've been watching David closely lately, and seeing what a person he's become. he's got a soul. kinda ties in with my last blog. he has such a distinct personality, the way he talks, what makes him laugh, and the way he cares about Maleny. it's just fun to see him grow. he's learning to control his temper which is a big deal. you can see the wheels turning in his head when he knows he's about to throw a tantrum, and stops himself. it's amazing. Just watching him. he's a beautiful little person.
Maleny is pretty incredible too. she's growing up. sure, she's pretty obnoxious and is a typical almost-10-year old. she has a group of neighbor kids that just adore her and always want to play with her. I don't like them very much, but she has learned a lot of good life lessons through them, so I will give them that. she is very very smart, and I'm not sure she really knows it yet, but she is. It's kind of scary. I wonder what she will become... What she will do when she grows up. I love her a lot. I don't think she knows it. but I do. no matter how mad she makes me sometimes. no matter how annoying she is. I've spent a lot of time yelling at her and failing at being a big sister. so she probably doesn't realize how proud I am of her, or how much I love her. but I do.
It's very humbling, showing them affection. after spending so much time arguing and being annoyed at their existence. sad, but true. I haven't been a very good big sister at all. but better now then when we're all grown up with our own lives, right? *sigh*
I think this summer's gonna be a good one. I'm pretty sure I've set my mind on not getting a job, as much as I need the money and as much as I want a job. I think I need to spend time with my family this summer. and just be with them. hang out with my little siblings. I have some catching up to do.
well, not really sure where that came from... I had no intention of writing about that actually. hahahaha. just started typing and that's what spewed out. not really sure what I was originally going to talk about. probably something silly. I had breakfast at Ultimate bagel this morning with my cousins. so. much. fun. I love them so much! ahhg. both the bagels and my cousins. hahahhaa :)
I shouldn't be blogging right now at all technically. I have to do math and an essay and SAT studying to do.. plus I have swim in about an hour. speaking of which, I freaking love teaching. ahhahahaha probably said that a million times, but I just love those kids so much. I'm so glad I can be apart of their lives for a little bit. even if they don't remember me at all when their my age. oh well. I love it. :)
otay. gotta get a move on what ever I need to do.
Towards the end of the day I played tag with my little siblings and that was fun. We were home alone for awhile, and so we made the best of it by playing together outside and eating ice cream while watching a movie. I also got to introduce them to a friend of mine over skype. that was super fun. It kinda hit me that my family doesn't really know any of my friends very well... and that was sad. I'll probably blog about that later. But it was really fun.
I've been learning that I really like my little siblings a lot. They really are incredible little people. I know it's kinda stupid that I'm learning it now... but sometimes it takes time. I usually just leave them to themselves, cause you must understand, Maleny and David are like twins that were born 5 years apart. hahaha. You never see one without the other. And sometimes I feel like I can't be apart of that. So I let them be and just stay out of their way. David adores Maleny, and Maleny is a wonderful big sister, teaching David about life. It's really very beautiful. I'm not really sure why it was never like that for me and Maleny. or me and Clara. maybe it's because Maleny is so short and is more accessible to David then I was to Maleny. Maybe it's because Maleny prayed every night for about 4 years for a younger sibling before David came along, so she has a lot of extra grace from that. I don't know. but I've become rather jealous of the relationship those two have. so I guess I kinda want to slowly integrate myself into that friendship. I guess I'm also kinda lonely.. My big sisters are all grown up and away from the house. I'm just little independent Cc. Now me and my little siblings are more equals then we have been before. Cause when Karen and Clara are home, I'm apart of the Big Girls. I'm the youngest of the big kids, rather then the oldest of the little kids. but when the big kids are gone, I become the oldest of the little kids, ya see? and somehow that puts us on different grounds. I used to think it was a bad thing that I was on the younger side of the 6. but not lately. I kind of enjoy being one of them. being the big sister. chasing them around the yard. baking cookies with them. taking them to the park. laughing with them at their ridiculousness. watching and being present to them. it's a little hard for me, because I live such a different life then they do. I'm bigger, I have lots of events to go to and friends to be with. I spend far too much time on the computer when I could be hanging out with them. so lately I've been trying to balance that out. make sure I spend time with them. it's hard to remember sometimes. cause they're off on their own so often. just like I'm off on my own. but sometimes when I'm on the computer or doing my own thing, I'll have to remind myself that I'm apart of a family and have little siblings who need a big sister. or want one. I'm not really sure. and then getting the will power to get off my butt and spend time with them is pretty hard. but It always feels good afterwords. I've realized that I really have missed a lot of their life cause I was caught up in my own. and that's sad, but it's okay, cause it was just what needed to happen. these few years I've needed to find out who I am, and really focus on me... but I think it might be time to be the big sister. before it's too late and I'm off to college.
I've been watching David closely lately, and seeing what a person he's become. he's got a soul. kinda ties in with my last blog. he has such a distinct personality, the way he talks, what makes him laugh, and the way he cares about Maleny. it's just fun to see him grow. he's learning to control his temper which is a big deal. you can see the wheels turning in his head when he knows he's about to throw a tantrum, and stops himself. it's amazing. Just watching him. he's a beautiful little person.
Maleny is pretty incredible too. she's growing up. sure, she's pretty obnoxious and is a typical almost-10-year old. she has a group of neighbor kids that just adore her and always want to play with her. I don't like them very much, but she has learned a lot of good life lessons through them, so I will give them that. she is very very smart, and I'm not sure she really knows it yet, but she is. It's kind of scary. I wonder what she will become... What she will do when she grows up. I love her a lot. I don't think she knows it. but I do. no matter how mad she makes me sometimes. no matter how annoying she is. I've spent a lot of time yelling at her and failing at being a big sister. so she probably doesn't realize how proud I am of her, or how much I love her. but I do.
It's very humbling, showing them affection. after spending so much time arguing and being annoyed at their existence. sad, but true. I haven't been a very good big sister at all. but better now then when we're all grown up with our own lives, right? *sigh*
I think this summer's gonna be a good one. I'm pretty sure I've set my mind on not getting a job, as much as I need the money and as much as I want a job. I think I need to spend time with my family this summer. and just be with them. hang out with my little siblings. I have some catching up to do.
well, not really sure where that came from... I had no intention of writing about that actually. hahahaha. just started typing and that's what spewed out. not really sure what I was originally going to talk about. probably something silly. I had breakfast at Ultimate bagel this morning with my cousins. so. much. fun. I love them so much! ahhg. both the bagels and my cousins. hahahhaa :)
I shouldn't be blogging right now at all technically. I have to do math and an essay and SAT studying to do.. plus I have swim in about an hour. speaking of which, I freaking love teaching. ahhahahaha probably said that a million times, but I just love those kids so much. I'm so glad I can be apart of their lives for a little bit. even if they don't remember me at all when their my age. oh well. I love it. :)
otay. gotta get a move on what ever I need to do.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Something just Broke.
so.... Tonight "JUVIE" Closed for the very last time. It's officially over. Dina doesn't have to go back in my pocket just in case I need her again, she can die. I'm thinking about holding a short memorial for her. Hahaha I feel like a character needs something bigger. It's a weird feeling... Knowing I will probably never be with that cast all together ever again... Man... We were close... that was family, right there. They talk about how a cast turns into family, but this one, we literally turned into family for each other. We've been through so much together... I saw every single one of that cast cry. I've seen them laugh until they've almost peed their pants. I've seen them scream until their throat cracks. I'm seen them go through withdrawals, or shoot up and die on stage... You don't go through things like this without coming out like family. When we're all together it just feels so comfortable and easy and like we've known each other for years. I don't really know how to explain it... *sigh* I'm gonna miss them all so much. Sure, I'll be in shows with some of them, but we'll never be all together again. And it's sad. Tonight to say goodbye, we played our favorite games all together. we laughed and laughed until we couldn't laugh any more. it was a good way to end it with a bang. I now have bruises from playing our favorite game, captain on deck. I'm surprised nobody broke a bone.
I've learned so much in just this show... and not just about acting. about life. How you can't ever, ever judge people. How everyone, EVERYONE is going through their own battle. So how dare you compare yourself to them, or judge them? I've learned that everyone has a soul. I mean, I knew that, but really. think about it. when you see that punk walking down a dark ally, that girl with the dark makeup at school, that homeless guy on the side of the road, the girl with the skimpy cloths on, what do you think? you think they're this dirty, creepy, zombie-ish, dark piece of crap that is the work of the devil. you think there isn't a speck of good in them. never has been. But you know what? They are Human. Just like us. God put them here. they have a past and a present and future. you have no idea what that person has been through to get them to where they are now. you don't know the pain they've felt. the fear they've felt. the loneliness. the abandonment. abuse. or maybe they chose that living and they like it. how did they get to that point? What influenced them? you really have no idea who they really are, what their back story is, what they've felt, you have no business looking at them and calling them vulgar names. cause they have a soul. God created them in his image. even if they don't know it. they. have. a. soul. we're here to love souls. not to scorn them. not to hate them. a few weeks ago I heard about a 13 year old girl who is pregnant. she is keeping the child. I was hearing this from some of my friends, and they were calling this girl some awful names and just pointing and laughing. And all I could feel was this strong, strong love for that girl. I don't know her. I don't know her name. I've seen some pictures of her, and she's just a girl. just a normal girl 13 year old girl. This girl has a family. goes to school. probably has no faith. was caught up in something she thought was love, and now has a beautiful life living inside her. she probably doesn't feel safe at home anymore, at school she gets bullied and tortured, laughed at, called names, but she is keeping that life. not just snuffing it out, out of fear or embarrassment or any of that. how much courage do you think it takes to do that? I don't care what her motives are for keeping it. she is going through something I can't even imagine going through. something a lot of people are too scared to go through. I honestly have the utmost respect and love for that girl. I don't care how that life got there. I don't care that she was having sex at the wrong time and age and that it was wrong. she is going through such a big battle right now. she has a soul. and it makes me so mad to hear her get verbally abused and judged when we have no flippen idea what she is going through. I haven't stopped praying for that girl and the baby since I heard. I wish I could meet her. I wonder if later in life I'll meet her. probably not. *sigh*
but anyway. I've always had a love for people... and being in Juvie just made me love souls all the more... Took it to a deeper level. It's terrifying thinking about how the fear and the pain and all that we learned to feel in warm ups and during the show, is only a fraction of what people going through the real thing. it's just heart breaking, the story's you hear. And there are so many more untold story's out there that we never hear about. *sigh* Anyway. I feel like I'm getting pretty repetitive now. Sorry. There's just a lot on my mind. It's a scary world out there. But I'm glad I got to dip my toes in a little bit.
This is my part of the performance. there are still things I would have liked to change, but I'm pretty sure I gave it my all last night. it sure felt like it. man... Click Here
TAC announced earlier today that this summer, they are doing another invite only social awareness play for girls. it deals with issues like Sex and teen pregnancy, drugs, bulimia, and much more... I want to get invited so, so bad. once you get a taste of this meaty, substance kind of drama, there's no going back. I just wanna learn more and dig deeper. Ahh. so fingers crossed about that. We'll see what God has in mind.
I start another month of swimming lessons this week. Two days a week. I'm excited. I haven't worked with kids in awhile. Well, awhile as in about a month. ahhahahaa I really love doing this... I love it so much. it's just a joy to work with those kids. It's my happy place.
otay. I think I'm done talking now. that was a long one... hahaha. hope everyone's having a lovely start of April. welcome to month 4 of 2011. only 8 more months to go with this year. scary. hehehehe. :)
I've learned so much in just this show... and not just about acting. about life. How you can't ever, ever judge people. How everyone, EVERYONE is going through their own battle. So how dare you compare yourself to them, or judge them? I've learned that everyone has a soul. I mean, I knew that, but really. think about it. when you see that punk walking down a dark ally, that girl with the dark makeup at school, that homeless guy on the side of the road, the girl with the skimpy cloths on, what do you think? you think they're this dirty, creepy, zombie-ish, dark piece of crap that is the work of the devil. you think there isn't a speck of good in them. never has been. But you know what? They are Human. Just like us. God put them here. they have a past and a present and future. you have no idea what that person has been through to get them to where they are now. you don't know the pain they've felt. the fear they've felt. the loneliness. the abandonment. abuse. or maybe they chose that living and they like it. how did they get to that point? What influenced them? you really have no idea who they really are, what their back story is, what they've felt, you have no business looking at them and calling them vulgar names. cause they have a soul. God created them in his image. even if they don't know it. they. have. a. soul. we're here to love souls. not to scorn them. not to hate them. a few weeks ago I heard about a 13 year old girl who is pregnant. she is keeping the child. I was hearing this from some of my friends, and they were calling this girl some awful names and just pointing and laughing. And all I could feel was this strong, strong love for that girl. I don't know her. I don't know her name. I've seen some pictures of her, and she's just a girl. just a normal girl 13 year old girl. This girl has a family. goes to school. probably has no faith. was caught up in something she thought was love, and now has a beautiful life living inside her. she probably doesn't feel safe at home anymore, at school she gets bullied and tortured, laughed at, called names, but she is keeping that life. not just snuffing it out, out of fear or embarrassment or any of that. how much courage do you think it takes to do that? I don't care what her motives are for keeping it. she is going through something I can't even imagine going through. something a lot of people are too scared to go through. I honestly have the utmost respect and love for that girl. I don't care how that life got there. I don't care that she was having sex at the wrong time and age and that it was wrong. she is going through such a big battle right now. she has a soul. and it makes me so mad to hear her get verbally abused and judged when we have no flippen idea what she is going through. I haven't stopped praying for that girl and the baby since I heard. I wish I could meet her. I wonder if later in life I'll meet her. probably not. *sigh*
but anyway. I've always had a love for people... and being in Juvie just made me love souls all the more... Took it to a deeper level. It's terrifying thinking about how the fear and the pain and all that we learned to feel in warm ups and during the show, is only a fraction of what people going through the real thing. it's just heart breaking, the story's you hear. And there are so many more untold story's out there that we never hear about. *sigh* Anyway. I feel like I'm getting pretty repetitive now. Sorry. There's just a lot on my mind. It's a scary world out there. But I'm glad I got to dip my toes in a little bit.
This is my part of the performance. there are still things I would have liked to change, but I'm pretty sure I gave it my all last night. it sure felt like it. man... Click Here
TAC announced earlier today that this summer, they are doing another invite only social awareness play for girls. it deals with issues like Sex and teen pregnancy, drugs, bulimia, and much more... I want to get invited so, so bad. once you get a taste of this meaty, substance kind of drama, there's no going back. I just wanna learn more and dig deeper. Ahh. so fingers crossed about that. We'll see what God has in mind.
I start another month of swimming lessons this week. Two days a week. I'm excited. I haven't worked with kids in awhile. Well, awhile as in about a month. ahhahahaa I really love doing this... I love it so much. it's just a joy to work with those kids. It's my happy place.
otay. I think I'm done talking now. that was a long one... hahaha. hope everyone's having a lovely start of April. welcome to month 4 of 2011. only 8 more months to go with this year. scary. hehehehe. :)
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Essays and Punks.
So, I've been going through what I need to be learning for the SAT. nothing looks tooooo horribly scary. the vocab and sentince structure and that kinda stuff all look fine. the math... well, it's math. but it looks like it might be possible for me to pass. and then there's the essay. I think I've said before that I'm terrified of writing essays. mostly because I haven't had a lot of experience. but now after reading a few of the prompts, I know why I'm scared.
The things I could be writing about, may or may not be things I have any knowledge about what so ever. I may not know what my opinion is on the subject cause I haven't really thought about it. maybe I just don't care at all. maybe I honestly don't have an opinion either way. what am I supposed to write about?
Being timed. no. nope. can't do it. there's a time limit. there is no way in heck that I will ever be able to write anything in 25 minutes or so. the thought of it makes my stomach curl up. I should never ever be forced to write anything in less then an hour. especially something that I may or may not know anything about. It also brings back memories... sitting at the table with tears in my eyes and a sick feeling in my stomach, being timed to eat my peas in less then 2 minutes, or else I would have to leave the table and go with out dinner, or the important part, desert. not cool with me. I probably could have eaten my peas without the timer. but the fact that there was a timer there, froze up my entire system. plus, the whole situation it rather humiliating. I don't want people watching me while I eat my peas! how bout everyone goes away, I eat my peas, and then I get ice cream. everything would be much easier. same thing goes with writing. I don't want anyone to see what I've written or watch while I'm writing! go away and leave me alone!
I'm. Scared.
Where do you start. where do you end. what goes in the middle. where the heck am I going with this? do I really believe what I'm writing? do I have my facts straight? am I staying on topic and writing about what they want me to write about? BLAH.
Fear of failure.
I don't know. it's all just really scary and risky to me. I'm sure a lot of people have these fears. and I'm just gonna have to push them aside and get to it. I just gotta get over this hump that I can't do it. cause I can. my older sisters have all done it. they're smart and successful and they probably went through this time of doubt. I can do it too. I just gotta stop having all these emotions and fears and do something about it. but I don't wannnt tooo. *sigh*
Okay. We're done talking about that now. It's thursday. Tonight we have our last Tech rehearsal for "JUVIE". Tomorrow we open for the last time. 3 shows. Friday Saturday and Sunday. It's really been cool doing this show again. experimenting with different parts of my character that I haven't before. tweaking things to make it more authentic. There's always something you want to change after a show ends and you see the end product. something you could have done better. and we got the chance to go back and fix it and make it 100 times better then it was the first time. And that is really, really super cool. I got to take the things I learned in the last 2 shows I've done in between, and apply it now. It was a good refresher course too. Remembering tips that you've forgotten. one of the big ones I remembered this week, was that "volume DOES NOT equal intensity." meaning, you can yell all you want, but it doesn't carry everything. it doesn't show the emotion. most of the time, it just shows you can yell really loud. you can be intense and scary without yelling. you can show anger without yelling. it's hard, but it's really incredible once you figure it out. and especially in my part, it's so easy to get carried away with the yelling and the screaming and the crying, but you have to balance that out. I wish I had remembered that when I was being marilla. it wasn't a huge problem. but there were times when I was projecting in order to show frustration or anger, and it actually didn't come across very well from the audience perspective. so yeah. cool thing to think about and to work on. this is just such an amazing project, and it's so cool that we've had the opportunity to do it again. it's going to be bigger and better then ever. I hope a lot of people come. it would really suck if no one came. so if anyone's reading this in town, please come. it would rock my world. :)
So yeah. Other then Juvie, not a lot is going on. My dad got a Hernia surgery a week ago as of Friday. he's doing really well. but it was pretty scary. Glad we got it taken care of. it's been fun having him home. I'm learning things about my dad that I didn't know before. and I'm sure he's enjoying watching our every day life that he doesn't get to see very often. I love my dad a lot. he's a really amazing guy. He's been watching some physics lectures with me for my school. I've decided I kinda like physics. and it's fun to talk with him about it afterward. He likes physics a lot too. I found out it's one of his favorite things to learn about. Cool beans. :)
Otay. I gotta start getting my punk makeup on. fun stuff. :) hope everyone had a fabulous March, it was a pretty bumpy one for me, but all is well. God is GOOD.
The things I could be writing about, may or may not be things I have any knowledge about what so ever. I may not know what my opinion is on the subject cause I haven't really thought about it. maybe I just don't care at all. maybe I honestly don't have an opinion either way. what am I supposed to write about?
Being timed. no. nope. can't do it. there's a time limit. there is no way in heck that I will ever be able to write anything in 25 minutes or so. the thought of it makes my stomach curl up. I should never ever be forced to write anything in less then an hour. especially something that I may or may not know anything about. It also brings back memories... sitting at the table with tears in my eyes and a sick feeling in my stomach, being timed to eat my peas in less then 2 minutes, or else I would have to leave the table and go with out dinner, or the important part, desert. not cool with me. I probably could have eaten my peas without the timer. but the fact that there was a timer there, froze up my entire system. plus, the whole situation it rather humiliating. I don't want people watching me while I eat my peas! how bout everyone goes away, I eat my peas, and then I get ice cream. everything would be much easier. same thing goes with writing. I don't want anyone to see what I've written or watch while I'm writing! go away and leave me alone!
I'm. Scared.
Where do you start. where do you end. what goes in the middle. where the heck am I going with this? do I really believe what I'm writing? do I have my facts straight? am I staying on topic and writing about what they want me to write about? BLAH.
Fear of failure.
I don't know. it's all just really scary and risky to me. I'm sure a lot of people have these fears. and I'm just gonna have to push them aside and get to it. I just gotta get over this hump that I can't do it. cause I can. my older sisters have all done it. they're smart and successful and they probably went through this time of doubt. I can do it too. I just gotta stop having all these emotions and fears and do something about it. but I don't wannnt tooo. *sigh*
Okay. We're done talking about that now. It's thursday. Tonight we have our last Tech rehearsal for "JUVIE". Tomorrow we open for the last time. 3 shows. Friday Saturday and Sunday. It's really been cool doing this show again. experimenting with different parts of my character that I haven't before. tweaking things to make it more authentic. There's always something you want to change after a show ends and you see the end product. something you could have done better. and we got the chance to go back and fix it and make it 100 times better then it was the first time. And that is really, really super cool. I got to take the things I learned in the last 2 shows I've done in between, and apply it now. It was a good refresher course too. Remembering tips that you've forgotten. one of the big ones I remembered this week, was that "volume DOES NOT equal intensity." meaning, you can yell all you want, but it doesn't carry everything. it doesn't show the emotion. most of the time, it just shows you can yell really loud. you can be intense and scary without yelling. you can show anger without yelling. it's hard, but it's really incredible once you figure it out. and especially in my part, it's so easy to get carried away with the yelling and the screaming and the crying, but you have to balance that out. I wish I had remembered that when I was being marilla. it wasn't a huge problem. but there were times when I was projecting in order to show frustration or anger, and it actually didn't come across very well from the audience perspective. so yeah. cool thing to think about and to work on. this is just such an amazing project, and it's so cool that we've had the opportunity to do it again. it's going to be bigger and better then ever. I hope a lot of people come. it would really suck if no one came. so if anyone's reading this in town, please come. it would rock my world. :)
So yeah. Other then Juvie, not a lot is going on. My dad got a Hernia surgery a week ago as of Friday. he's doing really well. but it was pretty scary. Glad we got it taken care of. it's been fun having him home. I'm learning things about my dad that I didn't know before. and I'm sure he's enjoying watching our every day life that he doesn't get to see very often. I love my dad a lot. he's a really amazing guy. He's been watching some physics lectures with me for my school. I've decided I kinda like physics. and it's fun to talk with him about it afterward. He likes physics a lot too. I found out it's one of his favorite things to learn about. Cool beans. :)
Otay. I gotta start getting my punk makeup on. fun stuff. :) hope everyone had a fabulous March, it was a pretty bumpy one for me, but all is well. God is GOOD.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
future? :P
Slow. week. blah.
you know those weeks where the minutes go by reeeeally slowly... and everyday feels like the same.. and you don't feel like you're getting anything productive done? yep. that's the kind of week I'm having. which is kinda surprising to me, cause Sunday and Saturday were really happy nice days, and I was all optimistic about this week and was ready to kick some butt... and now that I'm here... I just want to stay in my bed. all day long. blaaaaaaaaah. I'm anti social too. I don't wanna see anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone. actually, that was a lie. I DO want to talk to people. but when ever I do I just get annoyed and angry. today I was going through and organizing pictures from the last 6 or so months. I found myself glaring at some of the people in the pictures. not good. and it's not like I'm angry at those people at the moment, I was just angry at their faces.... oh dear... I don't feel good... why is it only tuesday? this weekend seems like forever away. it probably is. 4 days away. that's forever.
on Saturday I have the first rehearsal for the Juvie encore. I'm getting really excited. we're gonna do a read through, and play games, and watch the DVD, and start blocking again. it's gonna be supah dupah fun. :D really, really, really excited. not excited enough to get me out of this bad mood though. meh. it's so far awaaaay. :-/
you know what else I'm getting slightly excited about? school. yeah, I know. I've been complaining about it for forever. and now I'm thinkin "YEAAAAAAAAH LETS DO THIS THING". I'm crazy. but I'm just ready for it, ya know? I mean, I'm not wanting it to be here RIGHT NOW, I'm fine with the distance between now and this fall. but I feel like it's time. and I'm excited about getting my hands dirty and learning. it's a good feeling. much better then the "oh my goodness I don't wanna take the SAT I don't wanna do running start I just want to RUN AWAAAAY" feeling. :P you know what's weird though? my dad doesn't want me to go. he keeps encouraging me to wait another year or two, and telling me things like "I just want you to be a kid for a little longer". and of course, me being the Cc who wants to please everybody and make everybody else happy, it worries me, and I don't know what to do... what if going to school does actually mean I throw my last few teenage years away? I know there's gonna be a lot more stress then I'm used to dealing with. I wont have as much time for doing things I really love. I wont spend as much time with my family. My mom told me today that my dad is also worried about the boys that will be there. see, I don't know if I've ever mentioned this before, but I'm kinda a guy magnet. I don't try to be.. I don't want to be... it just happens... I'm a Cc. and lately I've been having a lot of guy drama. and that's been hard. my mom told me awhile ago that I'm a "natural flirt". I believe it. sometimes I'm a flirt even when I don't realize I'm flirting. I don't think too much about my actions. and then something happens, the guy will want to ask me out, and I'll have to put my foot in my mouth. ouch. I guess I'm becoming a very beautiful young lady, and I'm slightly oblivious to the fact. and then all the sudden guys are asking me out and flirting with me and it's overwhelming and confusing and I don't know what to do, or sometimes I do know what to do, and I don't have the courage to do it, and then about 75% of the time I do the wrong thing. but I am learning. I really am. it's just hard... and so my dad, he knows that there will be guys there. older guys. scarier guys. not just 14-16 year old guys who think themselves "in love" with Cc. older guys who probably don't have the best intentions. And Cc will have to deal with it and be all Mature. And he's worried about his Cc. and I'm not really sure what to think about that. I'm worried too, but at the same time, I'm gonna have to learn to deal with it someday, I can't stay the same naive Cc for forever. I need to learn grow and be strong, and I think it's time. as much as it scares me, I want to move on. God will be there with me. I don't think I'd be very happy if I waited another year. I'd be restless and frustrated and all that anxiety I have about school would just grow. :-/
so yeah. I'm worried about my daddy. and I'm worried about what I should do. and then there's the whole summer job thing... I really want to get a job. I really wanna be a lifeguard and earn some money and all that good stuff... but at the same time, this is my last summer before I start school... and I kinda feel like I need to be at home with my family. plus, I'm gonna have to take a lot of time off, cause I have two retreats that I'm going to with my Youth Group, and then the family reunion sometime in july. so I'm not really sure what to do about that. I've been waiting to get this job since I was what, 10? and now that I'm finally old enough, I'm not sure I should. gahhhhhh.. life isn't easy, is it? with all it's changes and decisions. meh.
okay. I think I need to move on with my grumpy day. try to do something productive. maybe I'll make dinner tonight. that would make things better. I like making dinner.
otay. have a nice evening ever
you know those weeks where the minutes go by reeeeally slowly... and everyday feels like the same.. and you don't feel like you're getting anything productive done? yep. that's the kind of week I'm having. which is kinda surprising to me, cause Sunday and Saturday were really happy nice days, and I was all optimistic about this week and was ready to kick some butt... and now that I'm here... I just want to stay in my bed. all day long. blaaaaaaaaah. I'm anti social too. I don't wanna see anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone. actually, that was a lie. I DO want to talk to people. but when ever I do I just get annoyed and angry. today I was going through and organizing pictures from the last 6 or so months. I found myself glaring at some of the people in the pictures. not good. and it's not like I'm angry at those people at the moment, I was just angry at their faces.... oh dear... I don't feel good... why is it only tuesday? this weekend seems like forever away. it probably is. 4 days away. that's forever.
on Saturday I have the first rehearsal for the Juvie encore. I'm getting really excited. we're gonna do a read through, and play games, and watch the DVD, and start blocking again. it's gonna be supah dupah fun. :D really, really, really excited. not excited enough to get me out of this bad mood though. meh. it's so far awaaaay. :-/
you know what else I'm getting slightly excited about? school. yeah, I know. I've been complaining about it for forever. and now I'm thinkin "YEAAAAAAAAH LETS DO THIS THING". I'm crazy. but I'm just ready for it, ya know? I mean, I'm not wanting it to be here RIGHT NOW, I'm fine with the distance between now and this fall. but I feel like it's time. and I'm excited about getting my hands dirty and learning. it's a good feeling. much better then the "oh my goodness I don't wanna take the SAT I don't wanna do running start I just want to RUN AWAAAAY" feeling. :P you know what's weird though? my dad doesn't want me to go. he keeps encouraging me to wait another year or two, and telling me things like "I just want you to be a kid for a little longer". and of course, me being the Cc who wants to please everybody and make everybody else happy, it worries me, and I don't know what to do... what if going to school does actually mean I throw my last few teenage years away? I know there's gonna be a lot more stress then I'm used to dealing with. I wont have as much time for doing things I really love. I wont spend as much time with my family. My mom told me today that my dad is also worried about the boys that will be there. see, I don't know if I've ever mentioned this before, but I'm kinda a guy magnet. I don't try to be.. I don't want to be... it just happens... I'm a Cc. and lately I've been having a lot of guy drama. and that's been hard. my mom told me awhile ago that I'm a "natural flirt". I believe it. sometimes I'm a flirt even when I don't realize I'm flirting. I don't think too much about my actions. and then something happens, the guy will want to ask me out, and I'll have to put my foot in my mouth. ouch. I guess I'm becoming a very beautiful young lady, and I'm slightly oblivious to the fact. and then all the sudden guys are asking me out and flirting with me and it's overwhelming and confusing and I don't know what to do, or sometimes I do know what to do, and I don't have the courage to do it, and then about 75% of the time I do the wrong thing. but I am learning. I really am. it's just hard... and so my dad, he knows that there will be guys there. older guys. scarier guys. not just 14-16 year old guys who think themselves "in love" with Cc. older guys who probably don't have the best intentions. And Cc will have to deal with it and be all Mature. And he's worried about his Cc. and I'm not really sure what to think about that. I'm worried too, but at the same time, I'm gonna have to learn to deal with it someday, I can't stay the same naive Cc for forever. I need to learn grow and be strong, and I think it's time. as much as it scares me, I want to move on. God will be there with me. I don't think I'd be very happy if I waited another year. I'd be restless and frustrated and all that anxiety I have about school would just grow. :-/
so yeah. I'm worried about my daddy. and I'm worried about what I should do. and then there's the whole summer job thing... I really want to get a job. I really wanna be a lifeguard and earn some money and all that good stuff... but at the same time, this is my last summer before I start school... and I kinda feel like I need to be at home with my family. plus, I'm gonna have to take a lot of time off, cause I have two retreats that I'm going to with my Youth Group, and then the family reunion sometime in july. so I'm not really sure what to do about that. I've been waiting to get this job since I was what, 10? and now that I'm finally old enough, I'm not sure I should. gahhhhhh.. life isn't easy, is it? with all it's changes and decisions. meh.
okay. I think I need to move on with my grumpy day. try to do something productive. maybe I'll make dinner tonight. that would make things better. I like making dinner.
otay. have a nice evening ever
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