all growed up?

Hi there world!
Things have been awfully crazy lately. I pretty much got my future handed to me in the last few days. Well, my future up to this fall. It's pretty crazy. I've been doing all sorts of testing and yucky paperwork so I can go to SFCC this fall, and it's all working out. Yesterday morning I went and took the compass test. It went pretty well. I got a 97 on writing, and a 89 on reading. I didn't take the math because when I got there, they gave me the option of taking it later. And I'm like heck yeah, cause of course I want to put it off as long as possible. But we found out later that I couldn't sign up for orientation until I take the Math. And signing up for orientation was the whole purpose of taking the test. So that was a bummer, but it turned out fine. When I got home I get this phone call from the running start office, and they're like "hey, your scores rock our socks off, and you need to be at a student seminar tomorrow before you start registering for classes." And apparently, the seminar is the same thing as orientation. Which really confuses me, But oh well. I'm hopefully gonna take the math some time this week anyway, and then I'll be totally set. Me and my sisters looked at classes last night, and I think I'm gonna start off with an English class, a photography class, a PE class, and possibly private guitar lessons just to fill in a gap that I have between PE and Photography. So that was super cool. Just figuring everything out right away. I honestly thought this proses would be more complicated then it is. But it's really not a problem.
okay. So that's awesome news number one. Awesome news number 2 is that I got a job interview! I applied for the YMCA as a lifeguard. They had a position open for weekends, which is perfect cause I really did wanna keep this summer pretty open. I got called yesterday, and I have a interview on Thursday at 2. How freakishly awesome is that!?!?!?!!?! I'm just freaking out! Everything I've been stressed about for the last few months is just falling into place, and it's all gonna be okay! GOD IS SO GOOD! I am just so at peace. It's been a pretty crazy road, and growing up is really really scary for me, but it's gonna be okay. God will be there holding my hand the whole way.
I am just so happy you guys. I haven't been so at peace in so long. I'm so glad I'm not doing any theater projects or anything right now. I've really just been spending time with my family and just taking it easy, and it feels so good. I've really been focusing on my relationship with God. Just trusting Him and knowing I can do all things through Him. No matter how difficult. He is so fantastic! I just can't believe it! I'm just totally in aw! :)
Lets see. What else. My big sister Karen is home for the summer. It's really lovely having her home. I wish Clara was here too. She's thinking about staying in Ellensburg over the summer. I'm not too happy about that. I miss her so much when she's gone. The house just isn't the same without her. But we'll see. :P
Well, I think that's all for now. I'll probably post later this week about the interview and all that good stuff. I gotta go do something productive now.

50 days of unrestrained rejoicing.

hey you guys!
so, here we are. the wonderful Easter season. I meant to post during holy week about Triduum. But I didn't get around to it. Which is sad. Cause I had some awesome things to say about that. Triduum is one of my favorite parts of being catholic. It's like, an explosion of grace. It's wonderful. Especially this year. This lent was really, really fruitful for me. I learned a lot and I could really feel God there with me. It was just fantastic.
So here we are, 11 days into Easter, with 39 days to go. Cc is a pretty happy duck. I've got a lot going on. This previous weekend, I went on a retreat with the Young Apostles, which is a special group at my youth group that I'm apart of. It only lasted two short days, but that short time was filled with so much grace and love and goodness. It was so relaxing and beautiful. we didn't really do much. we were at the Immaculate Heart retreat house, which is way up on the south hill almost in the middle of no where. The retreat it's self wasn't really anything out of the ordinary. As a group we finished reading "The Introduction to the Devout Life" by St. Frances DeSales, which is a book we've been reading and discussing together. We went to mass together and we sang praise and worship. We didn't have any speakers or organized games or anything. we made dinner together the one evening we were there, we set up the dining room like a fine dining establishment, we all dressed up the boys acted as our waiters, and it was just a good time. it was about 100 times better then going to a real fancy restaurant. We all worked together to make the dinner, make pretty table settings, and it was good teem work and bonding time. We were just simply being together, and somehow that was enough. Young Apostles is a really special group. I don't really know the kids there very well, I mean, I know them, I've been going to youth group with them for two years or so, but I don't really REALLY know them, ya know? I've never hung out one on one with any of them. But somehow, at this retreat I was able to feel more comfortable around them then I feel around some of my closer friends. it was really nice. It was a family like experience, and I could just tell that that was where I belonged. and I got to know some the people better. I made friends. and I felt so purely happy. It's been awhile since I've felt like that. God is so so wonderfully good. That retreat was just perfect timing for me. I really, really needed that. such a blessing. Even now I just feel so at peace and happy. I can't believe how anyone could not see God's beauty and goodness, and not want to feel this happiness that can only come from Him. Do you ever get that feeling? Like everyone is missing out and that you're the happiest person in the world? It makes me kind of sad, knowing how so many people will never be truly purely happy. It just makes me want to go out and invite people in.
Anyway. This week has been pretty busy. Yesterday My big sister Karen came home for the summer. It's so good to have her home. It feels so empty around the house when my sisters are missing. This summer is gonna be fantastic. Yesterday I also took my first step into applying for Running Start. I took this test that would determine what grade I'm supposedly in. it was rough... especially because my sisters all said that it was a breeze, and it really wasn't for me. Some of it was, the grammar and vocab and that kinda stuff was okay. though, I was having a hard time reading quickly. I'm a pretty slow reader, and even slower under pressure. I've never takin a timed test before, so that wasn't fun. at all. I'm about 100% sure I failed the math section. they didn't let us have calculators, and they were all word problems, so it just wasn't good. I didn't answer enough of the questions to even be close to completing the percentage of right questions I needed to get to pass. I don't know how it's gonna work now. The lady we talked to afterwards said that all that really mattered was the reading stuff, but if you fail one part of the section, doesn't that mean you fail the whole thing? I don't know. I came home a emotional wreck. not fun. I'm just scared and confused and don't know what's gonna happen next. supposedly I'm going to have to take another test in the next two weeks. not excited. It's not fun to feel like your stupid. I'm sure that this test doesn't set the rest of my life or school future, but it's still not okay with me. I'm slightly freaking out. sometimes I think maybe I don't wanna do running start this year... maybe I wanna wait another year. but I don't know. I'm pretty sure this is what I wanna do. but I don't know. I don't know. I've really been enjoying homeschooling lately. it's really wonderful. I'm not sure I've always appreciated it. but lately I just feel so so blessed. It's such a wonderful thing to be growing up around your family, rather then your peers. being surrounded by people who love you no matter what. being able to go to them for everything, and trust that they will be there to help you with no matter what your going through, cheering you on and helping you grow. I'm just so happy where I am right now. I love my family. I love being independent in my schooling. I love learning life lessons around the house, learning to take care of a house and my siblings. And sometimes I think I'm just not ready to give that up yet. maybe my dad's right, maybe I do wanna be a teenager for a few more years. I don't know. it's all just really fuzzy, and taking that test really scared me. *sigh* so yeah. that's whats on my mind today.
Oh! But I do have some happy news! I can't remember if I wrote about this once already, but TAC announced awhile ago that they were doing another social awareness show this summer, titled "Fighting for Myself.". And guess who got invited!!!! DIS GIRL RIGHT HERE!!!!! *happy dance* found out tuesday evening. I could not be more excited. it's certainly gonna be a ride. This it a short synopsis and character list and stuff. if you hit "Cast list and Production notes" you can get more info. But yeah, It's gonna be a lot different then Juvie was. I'm so excited to learn and dig deeper. Especially with these issues. *sigh* It's gonna be a good time. And I know all but one of the 8 girls who were cast. I'm really, really excited to be doing another ensemble piece. :D So yeah. That's my theater news!
Otay. I think I gotta move on with my day. lots to do, lots to do. :) life is good! God is good!

Dinner..

This is what happens when the Manninos make pizza. awyeah. it was delightful. you should be very jealous. :D

dat would be me...

Distractions.

I don't really have anything to blog about. but I feel the need to type and just say hi.... I'm actually avoiding doing some school... I'm calling this "taking a break" but really, I don't need a break and I could easily be going about my studious business. but no, I'm a looser. XD

Hi.
I'm a Cc.
what are you?
that's exciting.

hmm.. well, this weekend I cleaned. a lot. like, serious deep cleaning. like the kind where you clean, and then you clean so deeply that you make a huge mess, and then you clean that up, and then everything smells like cleaner and dust and it's all shiny. that kind of cleaning. and you usually end up rearranging furniture too... with my bedroom, it's so small, that there are limited ways you can rearrange it. but I did anyway. I scooted my bed about 3 feet so the head is against the opposite wall. it feels all new and snazzy now. 3 feet can make all the difference. :D

This weekend I also went on an excellent hike at Bowl and Pitcher with my two best friends Rachael and Mara. That was lovely. It's always nice to have a day were you just laugh and laugh until your sides hurt. Rachael can drive now, so we drove there together, all spiffy with the music cranked up high and our sunglasses on (not really. I don't believe any of us had sunglasses on... but we were eating Fudgesicles! makes us just as cool, right?!) , and then remembered that we don't really know how to get to Bowl and Pitcher. so we wondered about, slightly lost... and then I figured out how to work the GPS, but by then we were already on the right road, headed straight towards our destination. so much for that. all in all, it took us about an hour to get there when it could have only took us 20 minutes. but it was a fun time.
It was a simply gorgeous day out, just perfect for walking around and enjoying Gods creations. We walked and talked and talked and walked, and climbed rocks, and found some pretty blackish blue sparkly dirt that we decided to take home... and yes, we did indeed walk back to are cars with it in our hands. kinda looked like we were carrying poop around... but it was totally worth it. :D and then we ended the expedition with some fabulous Froyo, which we ate at this lovely little spot on the south hill that looks over all of Spokane. Now that's what I call a good day. out
So that was my Friday. Probably the most exciting part of spring break. A lot of my friends went to California or Hawaii or what ever on their spring break. Honestly, I think that day was probably better then their trips combined.

Donuts are really really disgusting. I just had half of a leftover donut from yesterday. It was nummy... but now I have a headache, and that greasy aftertaste in my mouth. Gross. Who decided that frying bread in a ton of fat and then putting a bunch of sugar filled frosting on top was a good idea? It's not. it just makes America obese. And makes Cc grumpy. They should have a label on donuts that say "Do not take if you are a Cc, side affects include grumpiness, obesity, headaches, and general unpleasantness". Cause I really do need a reminder that I really hate those things... I forget... Every time. Kinda like Hot Dogs! hehehe.... My cousin and I have this inside joke about that... She lives way on the other side of the country, and she and her family usually come over here for a few weeks during the summer for the Annual Family Reunion. and you know how family reunions are. They're basically a reason for the men to get together and BBQ. Every night. And occasionally oysters are served. hmm. maybe this is just what happens at our family reunions. but anyway, the BBQ starts and you start to smell hamburgers and Hot Dogs, and after a long day of swimming you're pretty hungry, and as you go through the buffet line, those Hot Dogs look and smell really good. and so Cc says "maaaan, I want a Hot Dog, it'll be worth the calories. I'll just ignore the fact that they're made out of.... hmm.. we wont go there." and so she has a Hot Dog. And every time after she takes her first bite, the immediate response is ALWAYS "I. HATE. HOT DOGS." and her darling cousin Teresa will respond "I know. told ya so." Anyway. It's not really that great of a story. I could have just said that I hate Hot Dogs. but no. I just had to elaborate. because that's what I do. :)

Hmm. I suppose I should get on with my day. I don't especially want to. I've been having a hard time being motivated to do anything lately. which is rather frustrating, cause there is so much to be done. and I just don't want to do any of it. it's weird not having a show going on... I know it's only been a week, and I've closed several shows in the past 6 months, so it shouldn't be all that strange. but it's like, right now I'm looking at about 6 months straight without theater... and that's. weird. I wonder how long it will be before I start going through serious withdrawals... :P probably not long.

I've recently started playing piano again. It feels good. I can tell my fingers have really missed it. I took a break cause.... Well, there's actually no reason why I took a break. I stopped taking lessons, I picked up the guitar, I got caught up in theater, and piano kinda got pushed to the side. mostly I just got lazy about it. It's rather depressing. I really love the guitar a lot, but there's something about the piano... the challenge... that I really like a lot. guitar is a breeze for me. I pick up on things super super fast. but sometimes you need something that really pushes you. so yeah. it's good to be back on track.

okay. I really am going now. *Sigh* see how my brain is right now? it's just all over the place! You know what else I wanna do that I haven't done yet? I wanna learn Italian dang it! graaaaaaaaahfdlajermf. see. there we go again. I have the attention span of a bumble bee. I better go. really. really now. :-/
Going....
Going..
Goooooooing...
Gone.

Big Sister Number 4.

well, it's day 3 of Cc without Dina. I still feel her lagging around here and there, but she'll be gone within a week or so. it's amazing how much a show like that takes outta you. I'm so drained, both emotionally and physically. I've really been taking it easy this week, and just tryin to get back into Cc life again. the last two days have been really hard. I felt sick yesterday, and couldn't explain it. Everything about me just felt dead. and it was unfortunate too, because it was a beautiful day outside. probably the last nice day we're gonna have for awhile.
Towards the end of the day I played tag with my little siblings and that was fun. We were home alone for awhile, and so we made the best of it by playing together outside and eating ice cream while watching a movie. I also got to introduce them to a friend of mine over skype. that was super fun. It kinda hit me that my family doesn't really know any of my friends very well... and that was sad. I'll probably blog about that later. But it was really fun.
I've been learning that I really like my little siblings a lot. They really are incredible little people. I know it's kinda stupid that I'm learning it now... but sometimes it takes time. I usually just leave them to themselves, cause you must understand, Maleny and David are like twins that were born 5 years apart. hahaha. You never see one without the other. And sometimes I feel like I can't be apart of that. So I let them be and just stay out of their way. David adores Maleny, and Maleny is a wonderful big sister, teaching David about life. It's really very beautiful. I'm not really sure why it was never like that for me and Maleny. or me and Clara. maybe it's because Maleny is so short and is more accessible to David then I was to Maleny. Maybe it's because Maleny prayed every night for about 4 years for a younger sibling before David came along, so she has a lot of extra grace from that. I don't know. but I've become rather jealous of the relationship those two have. so I guess I kinda want to slowly integrate myself into that friendship. I guess I'm also kinda lonely.. My big sisters are all grown up and away from the house. I'm just little independent Cc. Now me and my little siblings are more equals then we have been before. Cause when Karen and Clara are home, I'm apart of the Big Girls. I'm the youngest of the big kids, rather then the oldest of the little kids. but when the big kids are gone, I become the oldest of the little kids, ya see? and somehow that puts us on different grounds. I used to think it was a bad thing that I was on the younger side of the 6. but not lately. I kind of enjoy being one of them. being the big sister. chasing them around the yard. baking cookies with them. taking them to the park. laughing with them at their ridiculousness. watching and being present to them. it's a little hard for me, because I live such a different life then they do. I'm bigger, I have lots of events to go to and friends to be with. I spend far too much time on the computer when I could be hanging out with them. so lately I've been trying to balance that out. make sure I spend time with them. it's hard to remember sometimes. cause they're off on their own so often. just like I'm off on my own. but sometimes when I'm on the computer or doing my own thing, I'll have to remind myself that I'm apart of a family and have little siblings who need a big sister. or want one. I'm not really sure. and then getting the will power to get off my butt and spend time with them is pretty hard. but It always feels good afterwords. I've realized that I really have missed a lot of their life cause I was caught up in my own. and that's sad, but it's okay, cause it was just what needed to happen. these few years I've needed to find out who I am, and really focus on me... but I think it might be time to be the big sister. before it's too late and I'm off to college.
I've been watching David closely lately, and seeing what a person he's become. he's got a soul. kinda ties in with my last blog. he has such a distinct personality, the way he talks, what makes him laugh, and the way he cares about Maleny. it's just fun to see him grow. he's learning to control his temper which is a big deal. you can see the wheels turning in his head when he knows he's about to throw a tantrum, and stops himself. it's amazing. Just watching him. he's a beautiful little person.
Maleny is pretty incredible too. she's growing up. sure, she's pretty obnoxious and is a typical almost-10-year old. she has a group of neighbor kids that just adore her and always want to play with her. I don't like them very much, but she has learned a lot of good life lessons through them, so I will give them that. she is very very smart, and I'm not sure she really knows it yet, but she is. It's kind of scary. I wonder what she will become... What she will do when she grows up. I love her a lot. I don't think she knows it. but I do. no matter how mad she makes me sometimes. no matter how annoying she is. I've spent a lot of time yelling at her and failing at being a big sister. so she probably doesn't realize how proud I am of her, or how much I love her. but I do.
It's very humbling, showing them affection. after spending so much time arguing and being annoyed at their existence. sad, but true. I haven't been a very good big sister at all. but better now then when we're all grown up with our own lives, right? *sigh*
I think this summer's gonna be a good one. I'm pretty sure I've set my mind on not getting a job, as much as I need the money and as much as I want a job. I think I need to spend time with my family this summer. and just be with them. hang out with my little siblings. I have some catching up to do.

well, not really sure where that came from... I had no intention of writing about that actually. hahahaha. just started typing and that's what spewed out. not really sure what I was originally going to talk about. probably something silly. I had breakfast at Ultimate bagel this morning with my cousins. so. much. fun. I love them so much! ahhg. both the bagels and my cousins. hahahhaa :)
I shouldn't be blogging right now at all technically. I have to do math and an essay and SAT studying to do.. plus I have swim in about an hour. speaking of which, I freaking love teaching. ahhahahaha probably said that a million times, but I just love those kids so much. I'm so glad I can be apart of their lives for a little bit. even if they don't remember me at all when their my age. oh well. I love it. :)
otay. gotta get a move on what ever I need to do.

Something just Broke.

so.... Tonight "JUVIE" Closed for the very last time. It's officially over. Dina doesn't have to go back in my pocket just in case I need her again, she can die. I'm thinking about holding a short memorial for her. Hahaha I feel like a character needs something bigger. It's a weird feeling... Knowing I will probably never be with that cast all together ever again... Man... We were close... that was family, right there. They talk about how a cast turns into family, but this one, we literally turned into family for each other. We've been through so much together... I saw every single one of that cast cry. I've seen them laugh until they've almost peed their pants. I've seen them scream until their throat cracks. I'm seen them go through withdrawals, or shoot up and die on stage... You don't go through things like this without coming out like family. When we're all together it just feels so comfortable and easy and like we've known each other for years. I don't really know how to explain it... *sigh* I'm gonna miss them all so much. Sure, I'll be in shows with some of them, but we'll never be all together again. And it's sad. Tonight to say goodbye, we played our favorite games all together. we laughed and laughed until we couldn't laugh any more. it was a good way to end it with a bang. I now have bruises from playing our favorite game, captain on deck. I'm surprised nobody broke a bone.
I've learned so much in just this show... and not just about acting. about life. How you can't ever, ever judge people. How everyone, EVERYONE is going through their own battle. So how dare you compare yourself to them, or judge them? I've learned that everyone has a soul. I mean, I knew that, but really. think about it. when you see that punk walking down a dark ally, that girl with the dark makeup at school, that homeless guy on the side of the road, the girl with the skimpy cloths on, what do you think? you think they're this dirty, creepy, zombie-ish, dark piece of crap that is the work of the devil. you think there isn't a speck of good in them. never has been. But you know what? They are Human. Just like us. God put them here. they have a past and a present and future. you have no idea what that person has been through to get them to where they are now. you don't know the pain they've felt. the fear they've felt. the loneliness. the abandonment. abuse. or maybe they chose that living and they like it. how did they get to that point? What influenced them? you really have no idea who they really are, what their back story is, what they've felt, you have no business looking at them and calling them vulgar names. cause they have a soul. God created them in his image. even if they don't know it. they. have. a. soul. we're here to love souls. not to scorn them. not to hate them. a few weeks ago I heard about a 13 year old girl who is pregnant. she is keeping the child. I was hearing this from some of my friends, and they were calling this girl some awful names and just pointing and laughing. And all I could feel was this strong, strong love for that girl. I don't know her. I don't know her name. I've seen some pictures of her, and she's just a girl. just a normal girl 13 year old girl. This girl has a family. goes to school. probably has no faith. was caught up in something she thought was love, and now has a beautiful life living inside her. she probably doesn't feel safe at home anymore, at school she gets bullied and tortured, laughed at, called names, but she is keeping that life. not just snuffing it out, out of fear or embarrassment or any of that. how much courage do you think it takes to do that? I don't care what her motives are for keeping it. she is going through something I can't even imagine going through. something a lot of people are too scared to go through. I honestly have the utmost respect and love for that girl. I don't care how that life got there. I don't care that she was having sex at the wrong time and age and that it was wrong. she is going through such a big battle right now. she has a soul. and it makes me so mad to hear her get verbally abused and judged when we have no flippen idea what she is going through. I haven't stopped praying for that girl and the baby since I heard. I wish I could meet her. I wonder if later in life I'll meet her. probably not. *sigh*
but anyway. I've always had a love for people... and being in Juvie just made me love souls all the more... Took it to a deeper level. It's terrifying thinking about how the fear and the pain and all that we learned to feel in warm ups and during the show, is only a fraction of what people going through the real thing. it's just heart breaking, the story's you hear. And there are so many more untold story's out there that we never hear about. *sigh* Anyway. I feel like I'm getting pretty repetitive now. Sorry. There's just a lot on my mind. It's a scary world out there. But I'm glad I got to dip my toes in a little bit.

This is my part of the performance. there are still things I would have liked to change, but I'm pretty sure I gave it my all last night. it sure felt like it. man... Click Here

TAC announced earlier today that this summer, they are doing another invite only social awareness play for girls. it deals with issues like Sex and teen pregnancy, drugs, bulimia, and much more... I want to get invited so, so bad. once you get a taste of this meaty, substance kind of drama, there's no going back. I just wanna learn more and dig deeper. Ahh. so fingers crossed about that. We'll see what God has in mind.

I start another month of swimming lessons this week. Two days a week. I'm excited. I haven't worked with kids in awhile. Well, awhile as in about a month. ahhahahaa I really love doing this... I love it so much. it's just a joy to work with those kids. It's my happy place.

otay. I think I'm done talking now. that was a long one... hahaha. hope everyone's having a lovely start of April. welcome to month 4 of 2011. only 8 more months to go with this year. scary. hehehehe. :)