Sustainability, Artificial Contraceptives, and Natural Family Planning.

A few weeks ago, my English 101 teacher assigned a research paper on the topic of sustainability. Sustainability as in saving trees, saving poor lil' animals, recycling, global warming, that kinda stuff. Green stuff. Now, I'm not a real big tree hugger. I'm all for reusing paper and recycling and all that, but I'm not gonna obsess over it. So I was having a really hard time coming up with a topic cause I just don't know a lot about these sorts of things. So I had this skype date with my sister who lives in Michigan, and I was all "I don't know what to write about, I don't know what to do, I don't know anything about these topics, I'm gonna FAIL AND MY LIFE WILL BE OVER." And then she sent me this: Click here. NOW.
You read it? yes? yes? okay. SO. Karen's like "well, if you wanna be really gutsy... you could talk about how Natural Family Planning is a more sustainable then artificial contraceptives." and then I'm like "HECK YEAH LETS BE GUTSY AND WRITE A CONTROVERSIAL PAPER ABOUT ARTIFICIAL CONTRACEPTIVES AND NATURAL FAMILY PLANNING!!!"
So. I present this to my teacher and she's like "there's no way you can do this." Let me tell you, I have never been more determined to do this in my life.... I fought. and guess what? I WON. I wrote an essay on some of the negative effects artificial contraceptives have on the environment, and how much better life would be if everyone used Natural Family Planning. And I would like to present it to you. Because I'm pretty dang proud of myself. My English class thinks I'm totally nuts, but I bet you no one has ever written on this topic before. Talk about standing out on your first quarter of college....
So Here ya go. Introducing Cc the scholar. This is my gutsy essay on birth control.

Considering the Sustainability of Family Planning Methods

Family planning is an important part of our culture, but has the common society ever considered the sustainability of family planning methods? This paper will compare the sustainability of two contraceptive choices: natural family planning and artificial contraceptives such as the pill. It will examine the effects artificial contraceptives and natural family planning have on the environment, taking into consideration waste water pollution, and solid waste minimization. The evidence suggests that natural family planning is a more sustainable method of contraception.

According to the Encyclopedia of Women’s Health, natural family planning is a method of avoiding or achieving a pregnancy by learning the signs and patterns of fertility and abstaining from intercourse during fertile times. Couples observe signs of fertility in the woman by tracking the woman’s body temperature, mucus secretion and other signs. This method is also referred to as the fertility awareness method, the rhythm method, or periodic abstinence (“Natural Family Planning”). It has been proven that natural family planning is as effective as artificial contraceptives. According to Professor Petra Frank-Herrmann, of the University of Heidelerg, Germany, “for a contraceptive method to be rated as highly efficient as the hormonal pill, there should be less than one pregnancy per 100 women per year when the method is used correctly.” Professor Frank-Herrmann conducted a study involving 900 woman using the symptothermal method (STM) of natural family planning. She reports that “the pregnancy rate for woman who used the STM method correctly in our study was 0.4%, which can be interpreted as one pregnancy occurring per 250 woman per year” (“Natural Family Planning As Effective As Contraceptive Pill, New Research Finds”). Since the effectiveness of natural family planning is equal to, or greater than that of artificial contraceptive methods with the failure rate of Oral contraceptives currently standing at 0.7%, (Jurgen Dinger et al.) Professor Frank-Herrmann maintains that natural family planning is “an effective and acceptable method of family planning” (“Natural Family Planning as Effective as Contraceptive Pill, New Research Finds”).  Natural family planning can be seen as an acceptable and possible method of contraception.

Not only is natural family planning as effective as artificial contraception, it is also less harmful to our environment. Artificial contraceptives negatively effect the environment by introducing hormones into the water. Hormonal contraceptives prevent pregnancy by increasing the levels of certain hormones in a women’s body. Traces of the hormones are present in the urine of women who use contraceptives such as the pill, patches, and vaginal rings.  As recorded in an article in Biotech Business Week “Researchers at Umea University and the Sahlgrenska Academy at the University of Gothenburg, Sweden have discovered that traces of many medicines can be found in fish that have been swimming in treated waste water” (“University of Gothenburg; Medicine residues may threaten fish reproduction”). The article continues “the study shows that levonorgestrel - which is found in many contraceptive pills, including the morning-after pill - can impact on the environment and constitutes a risk factor for the ability of fish to reproduce.” Joakim Larsson at the Sahlgrenska Academy, one of the researchers behind the study states that “If we know how our medicines affect the environment, we will be in a better position to choose environmentally friendly alternatives“(“University of Gothenburg; Medicine residues may threaten fish reproduction”). Natural family planning is one alternative that will not hurt our environment.

Another factor to consider in comparing the two carbon footprints is the amount of solid waste generated by each contraceptive method. A truly sustainable form of contraception would not produce waste that contributes to landfills. Christopher Mims describes the importance of reducing waste in his article “Landfills” published in Scientific American.

Americans generate 2.50 million tons of trash every year, of which only 83 million tons--about a third--gets recycled or composted. The rest goes into landfills, which are essentially giant factories that convert garbage into toxic materials and greenhouse gases. Water leaching through the detritus picks up industrial chemicals and heavy metals, all too often depositing those poisons in nearby groundwater supplies. Meanwhile anaerobic bacteria convert organic matter into methane, a greenhouse gas more potent than carbon dioxide.

It is highly important that we minimize the amount of waste we are producing. Artificial Contraceptives generate waste from their packaging. This may seem like a small impact, but a study in 2008 shows that 61 percent of women in the United States use contraceptives (Mosher WD, Jones J.). When we put into perspective the amount of women using the pill, we can estimate the large amount of solid waste this is creating. Natural family planning generates no waste. Even if it seems like a little thing to cut down on waste like packaging from contraceptive methods, it is highly beneficial to the environment when we minimize our waste and decrease our carbon footprint.

Natural family planning is an effective and sustainable method of family planning, using only the tools Mother Nature has presented us with. It creates no waste, releases no hormones into the environment, and leads to a healthier life style. Natural family planning could be one small step in our road to sustainability and healthy living.

Work Cited

Dinger, Jurgen et al, “Effectiveness of Oral Contraceptive Pills in a Large U.S Cohort Comparing Progestogen and Regimen.” Obstetrics & Gynecology 117.1 (2011): 1. Web. 5 Nov. 2011

Herrman, Frank P., et al. “The Effectiveness of a fertility awareness based method to avoid pregnancy in relation to a couple’s sexual behavior during the fertile time: a prospective longitudinal study.” Human Reproduction. 22.5 (2007): 1310-1319 ProQuest Research Library. Web. 25 Oct.2011

Mims, Christopher. “Landfills.” Science American 303.3 (2010):70. Academic Search Complete. Web. 26 Oct.2011

Mosher, WD, and J. Jones. “Use of contraception in the United States 1982–2008.” National Center for Health Statistics. Vital Health Stat 23.29. 2010.

“Natural Family Planning Method As Effective As Contraceptive Pill, New Research Finds." ScienceDaily. N.p. 21 Feb. 2007. Web. 25 Oct. 2011.

“Natural Family Planning." Encyclopedia of Women's Health. Dordrecht: Springer Science+Business Media, 2004. Credo Reference. Web. 26 Oct. 2011.

“Universidy of Gothenburg; Medicine residues may threaten fish reproduction.” Biotech Business Week 3 May. 2010: 1. Proquest. Web. 25 Oct. 2011

So, the next essay we were assigned was a persuasive essay on the same topic. A "take a stand" kinda thing. So, I wrote about how Natural Family Planning needed to be included in the sexual education curriculum. this has a lot of the same info in it, but more of a tone. and I liked it a lot better then the other one. :) Here's my essay on Sexual Education:

Education for a Future of Sustainability in Sexual Education

We are constantly reminded to make sustainable choices in our everyday life. Grocers offer reusable bags as we leave the store. Stickers promoting waste reduction decorate our paper towel dispensers. Commercials remind us to reduce, reuse, and recycle. Eco clubs are formed in schools to protect the environment. But one factor people rarely consider when committing themselves to a sustainable lifestyle is their choice of contraceptive methods. However, new studies show that our contraceptive choices effect the environment. If these consequences were better understood, people would be in a position to make more sustainable choices. Often the first information people gather on contraceptives comes from sexual education programs.  Public schools should introduce methods of contraception that are both effective and sustainable. Natural family planning is one such method. In order to create a sustainable future, Natural Family Planning should be taught in sexual education classes.

Natural family planning (NFP) is a method of avoiding or achieving a pregnancy by learning the signs and patterns of fertility (Encyclopedia of Women’s Health). The woman tracks her fertility by recording her body temperature, mucus secretions, and other signs. In order to avoid pregnancy, the couple abstains from intercourse during fertile times. This is referred to as the symptothermal method.  NFP is also known as the fertility awareness method, the rhythm method, or periodic abstinence. This method, though it takes a considerable amount of commitment, is effective and beneficial to the environment.

Unlike NFP, artificial contraceptives negatively affect the environment by introducing hormones into the water through waste water. Hormonal contraceptives prevent pregnancy by increasing the levels of certain hormones in a woman’s body. Traces of these hormones are present in the urine of women who use contraceptives such as the pill, patches, and vaginal rings. Researchers at Umea University and the Sahlgrenska Academy at the University of Gothenburg, Sweden, discovered traces of these same hormones in the blood of fish that have been swimming in treated waste water. (“University of Gothenburg; Medicine residues may threaten fish reproduction”). An article in Biotech Business Week reports, “the study shows that levonorgestrel - which is found in many contraceptive pills, including the morning-after pill - can impact on the environment and constitutes a risk factor for the ability of fish to reproduce.”
In choosing hormonal contraceptives, we alter the eco system for the worse.

When measuring the impact of our contraceptive choices on the environment, we must also consider the waste generated by each method. A study in 2008 found that 10.7 million women in the united states were currently using oral contraceptives (Mosher and Jones 19). Consider how much packaging this generates. Much of this packaging is disposed of in landfills. In his article “Landfills”, Christopher Mims describes the negative impact this has on the environment:

                        landfills, […] are essentially giant factories that convert garbage into toxic materials and greenhouse gases. Water leaching through the detritus picks up industrial chemicals and heavy metals, all too often depositing those poisons in nearby groundwater supplies. Meanwhile anaerobic bacteria convert organic matter into methane, a greenhouse gas more potent than carbon dioxide.  (Mims)

In comparison, NFP generates no waste, and therefore does not contribute to toxic landfills that threaten our environment.

One reason educators might be hesitant to include NFP in a sexual education curriculum is due to concerns about its effective rate. This is partially because of its historical background. When the method was first developed in the 1930’s, it consisted of recording only the length of the women’s menstrual cycle, and the days in between in order to determine the fertility of a the women. This is referred to as the rhythm method, and is not very effective. In an article in The European Journal of Contraception and Reproductive Health Care Scientist Gunter Freundl explains that, because the length of a woman’s cycle varies, the length and timing of the fertility window changes with each cycle. (Freundl 116). The rhythm method is often what comes to mind when people hear the phrase “Natural family planning.”  

However, as science has developed through the years, factors such as tracking mucus secretions and basal body temperature have been discovered, creating a far more accurate and effective method. This is known as the Symptothermal method (STM). In fact, it has been demonstrated that NFP is as effective as artificial contraceptives. In 2007, Professor Frank-Herrmann of the University of Heidelerg, Germany conducted a study involving 900 woman using STM. She reports that “the pregnancy rate for woman who used the STM method correctly in our study was 0.4%.” (“Natural Family Planning As Effective As Contraceptive Pill, New Research Finds”). The failure rate of Oral contraceptives currently stands at 0.7%, (Jurgen Dinger et al.) Since the effectiveness of NFP is equal to, or greater than that of artificial contraceptive methods. Professor Frank-Herrmann maintains that NFP is “an effective and acceptable method of family planning” (“Natural Family Planning as Effective as Contraceptive Pill, New Research Finds”). NFP has evolved since the 1930’s; therefore, educators need not hesitate to include NFP as an option in their sexual education programs.

As an additional benefit, NFP is free from negative side effects.  Contraceptives come with many health risks including blood clots, heart attacks, strokes, depression, ovarian cysts, and other serious conditions. (Office on Women’s Health. 8) Minor side effects include weight gain, vision problems, irregular menstrual bleeding, dizziness, headaches, abdominal bloating or pain, and others. (Office on Women’s Health. 8)  The education systems should be cautioning their students on these risks, as well as giving them the option of a healthier alternative.

Many object to NFP because of the commitment it requires. But when we compare the other sustainable life style choices, such as recycling, composting, using reusable bags for grocery’s, buying products that require less packaging, or eating a vegan diet, we can see that sustainability always requires commitment. Teachers don’t hesitate to share information with students about vegan diets, neither should they hesitate to share information about NFP.

Educators already incorporate information about, recycle and energy conservation and endangered species into their curriculum. There is no reason why schools shouldn’t include natural family planning in sexual education programs to give students a more sustainable alternative. It is commonly said that children hold the future in their hands. But it is also what we teach them that will effect what our future holds. It is educators job to provide students with sustainable alternatives, and it is the responsibility of each of us to take the information we’ve been given, and make good choices.

Works Cited

Dinger, Jurgen et al, “Effectiveness of Oral Contraceptive Pills in a Large U.S Cohort Comparing Progestogen and Regimen.” Obstetrics & Gynecology 117.1 (2011): 1. Web. 5 November 2011

Freundl, Gunter, Irving Sivin, and Istvan Batar. “State of the Art of Non-hormonal Methods of contraception: IV. Natural Family planning” The European Journal of Contraception and Reproductive Health Care 15. (2010): 116 Web.

Herrman, Frank P., et al. “The Effectiveness of a fertility awareness based method to avoid pregnancy in relation to a couple’s sexual behavior during the fertile time: a prospective longitudinal study.” Human Reproduction. 22.5 (2007): 1310-1319 ProQuest Research Library. Web. 25 Oct.2011

Mims, Christopher. “Landfills.” Science American 303.3 (2010):70. Academic Search Complete. Web. 26 Oct.2011

Mosher, WD, and J. Jones. “Use of contraception in the United States 1982–2008.” National Center for Health Statistics. Vital Health Stat 23.29. 2010.

“Natural Family Planning Method As Effective As Contraceptive Pill, New Research Finds." ScienceDaily. N.p. 21 Feb. 2007. Web. 25 Oct. 2011.

“Natural Family Planning." Encyclopedia of Women's Health. Dordrecht: Springer Science+Business Media, 2004. Credo Reference. Web. 26 October 2011.

United States. Dept of Health and Human Services. Office on Woman’s Health. Birth Control Methods 2009. Web.

 “Universidy of Gothenburg; Medicine residues may threaten fish reproduction.” Biotech Business Week 3 May. 2010: 1. Proquest. Web. 25 Oct. 2011

But yeah. This was the exciting project I got to work on. It was really hard. I had a break down probably every week and my big sister who's a college graduate had to hold my hand through it all. But it was a good experience. There were several aspects of this subject that I didn't get to touch on, which made me sad, but I was glad I was able to do what I did. It was exciting to be able to stand up for what I believe in. Most of my class had never even heard of natural family planning, so I was able to shed some light on the subject, and everyone was really excited about it which was really cool. 

I go to school. I'm half a college student. I'm doing big things and making people think. I'm learning that I'm not stupid, which is really cool. Life is good. God is good. Amen? Amen.

Right where I belong

This has really been quite the week. I started work. I. Love. It. It's been a little rough at times, learning the ropes and all, but for the most part everyone's been really welcoming and understanding when I mess up. Which I've done a lot. Honestly, I'm having so much fun working that it doesn't even seem like a job. I feel like I'm just there because I love it. I think that's pretty cool. I love being around people and making sure everyone's safe. I love being able to people watch without it being creepy. ;) I love the professionalism, but slight goofiness of my fellow co-workers. I love feeling like I'm apart of something big. I love cleaning and knowing that I'm helping make the building run smoothly. it's really quite fantastic. And I love knowing that I'm going to be learning a lot of life skills while I'm doing this job. Direct communication for instance. I'm not very good at that. But this is a job where you HAVE to be direct. Especially at the Y, they make a point to speak directly with their patrons. When you tell someone not to do something, if possible, you get down from your stand, and talk to the patron about what they're doing wrong, how they could get hurt, and what they could do instead. It's really very affective and direct and just fabulous! I love it. It's a little tricky for me, but I'm glad that's the way it is. I'm also gonna learn how to be assertive and enforce rules effectively. And that's also pretty exciting. There are a lot of other things too, but those are some big ones.
I must admit, the job is a bit lonely. I don't usually talk to the other lifeguards unless I'm cleaning with them, or I have a question. And even then it's kind of short and curt. there are certain people I do talk to more then others, and I enjoy their company, but for the most part I'm on my own. And that's okay. The loneliness gives me time to chat with God. :) On my 15-30 minute breaks, I like to go over to the teen room and talk to the employees over there. Jeez, those guys are some of the sweetest people you'll ever meet. They're fun, and they want to know about you, and they're just so kind and understanding. I was watching them work with the other teens there and it was just beautiful. It's really fantastic and I just love being over there. :)

I think my favorite part of the day is between Surveillance duty, during the 15 minutes I get to clean the bathrooms and squeegee the deck and do what ever little chores need to be done. as crazy as that sounds. I love to sing in the big bathrooms with the fabulous acoustics. I love to dance with the squeegee. I love doin jigs across the pool deck so that I keep my blood moving. I love testing the chemicals in the pool, and watching the water in the tube go from pink to clear to pink again. It's just so fun. SO FUN. I also love working on the splash pad, and being able to talk to the kids I'm guarding and stuff. not to a point to distract me, but enough to get my fill of children. I love kids. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.
So yeah. It's a fabulous place for a Cc. God is so good for setting me up exactly where I need to be. I'm just so thankful. He is so GOOD!

I'm kinda floating on top of the world. can you tell? hahahhaa.

So. Today being my day off, I decided to bake something. we're having a guest over for a movie tonight, so we called him and asked what special treat he would like to have while we watch the movie. And what does he say? Creme Brulee. My first thought was "WHAT THE HECK!?". My second was "jeez, that kinda sounds like fun." So I spent a few hours this afternoon making Creme Brulee. It was super duper fun. we even bought the special little bowls for them. and of course we got to use blow torches to burn the top. that was harder then I thought it would be, but it was super fun. AND, I nailed it on the first try. It was smoooth and creeeeamy and sweeeeet and just perfect. I was very pleased. Definitely a treat we're gonna have to make for special events. I'm excited.

So here we are, the last week of June. Honestly, I'm freaking out a little bit. July and August are by far the craziest months of the year. and this year, they are pretty jam packed. The beginning of July I'll be trying to balance working and helping out set up the VBS at my youth group, as well as help teach swimming lessons as SCC. (can't stay away from it. I honestly can't. it's like my home. ) On the 16th my dear cousins come into town from Louisiana for my Great Aunt and Uncle's 50th wedding anniversary, I'll probably be going up to Aunt Perky's house to spend a week with them, cause I freakin love my cousins. SO. EXCITED. the day after I get home from that I'll be going to the LEAD program with my youth group, which is a Catholic Leadership conference. I've heard a lot of fabulous things about it and I'm anticipating coming back totally in aw. that weekend I'll be attending Steubenville NW, which is another conference that kind of Connects to LEAD, but it's for like, EVERYONE rather then select kids. There's usually 2000 kids who come, not counting the adults. I've been before, and it is SO amazing. It was one of the highlights of my summer in 2009. I didn't get to go last year cause I was gone, but I'm so stoked to be going again. So that raps up July.
In August I'll be finishing up swimming lessons, Helping at VBS for a week, Plus Davids 5th birthday (HOLY BROWN COW) and my 16th birthday the next week. That week is usually jam packed with festivities. Then the week after that, Karen leaves and goes back to Michigan, and I start rehearsals for "Fighting for Myself" at TAC, which will be every week day for 4 weeks till the end of September. and that's basically my life in a really big nutshell.

Mmk. so now after writing that down I'm officially freaked out and a little stressed. good grief. ooooh yeah, and I still need to take my Math Placement test for the Falls.... crap. so I'll be studying for that... I have to take it by September. Meh. not fun. okay. I'm gonna go now. To finish up, life is good, I'm super happy. :)

oh look, a wall.

So, you know how God tells us to go out and tell people about him and be a light in the darkness and all that stuff? I have a huge hunger for that. I have a hunger to have in depth discussions about my faith and tell people why and what I believe in. I have this abundant amount of spiritual wealth and knowledge that has embedded itself into my heart, and I want to share everything I know with people.
So, God planted this hunger, knowledge, and this love in my heart. And I have the tools I need to do what I need to do. But when someone challenges my faith or asks a question, my brain shorts out. My response is usually something like "ah.. dowa...ahh... eeeeeeh...wha... nooo nooot rightttt!!!" And I get so flustered with my self because I have no articulation abilities what so ever, that I can't make an decent statement. It's quite literally like I run in to a wall and I can't get over it. I'm getting so tired of this being the case. Especially now in High School, where I really am getting challenged in my faith and people are asking me questions. I want to be able to say what I mean and mean what I say. I want to know that I'm saying the right thing. But it's soooo hard. :P I can articulate over the Internet. I have no problem with that. I have a friend that I'm constantly debating with, and there have been heated debates about abortion and birth control and other subjects I'm passionate about that I've discussed over the Internet. And that's fine cause I don't have to answer right away and I can really think about things and research and stuff. But once I'm on the spot face to face with someone, I can't do it. So I guess the real problem is thinking on my feet. I suppose practice makes perfect on that kinda thing. But it's so hard to know that I know the answers, but have to learn how to verbalize them. You would think that the two would go hand in hand. and I wish they did. but they don't. And it makes me angry. *sigh* So, I think I might start thinking up questions and verbalizing the answers here for a start. Just for a personal challenge. It will be my project over the summer.

You know, I'm starting to think I have a SuperWoman complex... infact, I think I know I have a SuperWoman complex. See, this problem is probably a perfectly normal problem that everyone comes across and learns to conquor. But me, being a Cc, I'm pretty sure I shouldn't have this problem, cause I'm superwoman and I can do things that normal people would have trouble with. And I guess it kinda hurts my pride when I find out I'm not actually SuperWoman. But maybe I should except that I'm a pretty normal flawed human being. And no body's gonna be disappointed in me if I can't do everything perfect the first time. It's really okay. And I will learn and grow and make mistakes. Cause that's just how life works, huh?

Well anyway. Life is good. I haven't started work yet, but I should be getting a call soon from my boss telling me to come in and do orientation and giving me hours and all that. I filled out my first W2 a few days ago. I decided that I don't actually like filling out form after form after form... It's really not all that fun... by the end of a 3 inch stack of papers, I was about ready to scream. hahahah. Luckily my mom was there to help me out and walk me through it. I would have been in tears if she hadn't been there. Good grief. Lemme tell ya, I'm glad I don't have to do that again for awhile. :P

So everyone's out of school for the summer. I'm a junior now. A lot of my friends are seniors now, which is completely mind blowing to me.... I'm actually not so thrilled about high school being halfway over... It occurs to me that my best friends will be off to college a year before I am.... That's terrifying. But I'm trying not to think of that. I'm glad summer's here... It's gonna be a crazy one. I think this has been one of the most intense school years I've had... Looking back to September when I was working on JUVIE, and then thinking about all the events that have happened from then to now, it's crazy. God is so good. Thinking about all the times where He has had his hand over the situation the whole time, even if it seemed like total chaos at the time. He was there taking care of it. :)

Otay. I'm off to go to a Graduation party for a friend. sorry this post was so scatterbrained. it's that kind of day.

"Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and kindle in them the fire of your love. Send forth your Spirit and they shall be created. And You shall renew the face of the earth."

Results

So guess what you guys? I'm officially an employed lifeguard. :D
sorry bout that last post. I was scared out of my mind. the swim test was a breeze. I didn't need to be worried. That's usually how it turns out about 95% of the time. But oh well. That's how the Cc rolls.
I'm SO EXCITED! The people who will be working with me are super fun and nice. I enjoyed my time with them. It just seems like a good situation all the way around. The job pays more then minimum wage, so that's definitely a bonus. I'll be making some lovely greens this summer, and I'm gonna be having a good time doing it! So I'm set! I'll be going in sometime this week to sign some papers and get my hours, and then I'm ready to roll.
Dats all for now!

This is me not freaking out. really.

Psh, I'm calm! I don't know what you guys are worried about! I'm fineee!! I'm toootally fine...
Thinking positive. Thiiiiinking positive. no room for Negative thoughts here in this brain. nope. nope nope nope.
So, I did that job interview last week right? yeah. well, it went well. I was the only one out of everyone who had been interviewed so far that already had their Lifeguard Certification. so I was ahead of the game right off da bat. which is good. I freaked out a few times in my head... I answered some questions not as well as I could have. But all in all it was pretty successful, and a learning experience, and I think that's a good thing. I tried my best not to pick apart every little thing I said afterward and beat myself up about it. It was hard though. I got a call yesterday from the Y asking me to come in for a swim test today at 4:00. I really shouldn't be worried. I'm a fairly good swimmer, being that I've spent every summer for the past 5 years at a swimming pool... I'm certainly not the best swimmer in the whole wide world, but I'm not the worst... I have to swim 300 meters, and do some brick diving and assists and all that fun stuff. I think I'm mostly worried about the 300 meters. which is totally pathetic. I've done way more then that. 300 meters is only 6 laps. but I'm still totally terrified. I think I'm just freaked out because in the back of my mind I'm thinking "man, I'm so outta shape... I'm not gonna be able to make it... I'm gonna die. I'm gonna drown and embarrassed myself. I'm gonna faaaaaail" because I'm pretty convinced I fail at everything. in reality, they're not actually looking for the best swimmer i the world. they're just looking for someone who can swim well enough to swim while holding another body if needed. and I can do that no problem. so I shouldn't be scared. but I am. and it's stupid.
I guess I'm also pretty scared about this whole having a job thing in general.... this is actually a job... where you get paid... and you have to be professional and all that... and if you show up late or do something horribly wrong, you get fired... and that's just pretty scary to me! all that responsibility. :P plus, this job is potentially an all year round job. which is super duper cool, but it's like, woah, this will be my job... for a long time... weird... ya know? I don't know. it's like, wooooah potential future! you follow me? yes? no? I don't know. :P But what ever happens, it's God's will, right? So it's gonna be okay either way. otay. I gotta go. I have to go in less then an hour. meeeeeeeh.

all growed up?

Hi there world!
Things have been awfully crazy lately. I pretty much got my future handed to me in the last few days. Well, my future up to this fall. It's pretty crazy. I've been doing all sorts of testing and yucky paperwork so I can go to SFCC this fall, and it's all working out. Yesterday morning I went and took the compass test. It went pretty well. I got a 97 on writing, and a 89 on reading. I didn't take the math because when I got there, they gave me the option of taking it later. And I'm like heck yeah, cause of course I want to put it off as long as possible. But we found out later that I couldn't sign up for orientation until I take the Math. And signing up for orientation was the whole purpose of taking the test. So that was a bummer, but it turned out fine. When I got home I get this phone call from the running start office, and they're like "hey, your scores rock our socks off, and you need to be at a student seminar tomorrow before you start registering for classes." And apparently, the seminar is the same thing as orientation. Which really confuses me, But oh well. I'm hopefully gonna take the math some time this week anyway, and then I'll be totally set. Me and my sisters looked at classes last night, and I think I'm gonna start off with an English class, a photography class, a PE class, and possibly private guitar lessons just to fill in a gap that I have between PE and Photography. So that was super cool. Just figuring everything out right away. I honestly thought this proses would be more complicated then it is. But it's really not a problem.
okay. So that's awesome news number one. Awesome news number 2 is that I got a job interview! I applied for the YMCA as a lifeguard. They had a position open for weekends, which is perfect cause I really did wanna keep this summer pretty open. I got called yesterday, and I have a interview on Thursday at 2. How freakishly awesome is that!?!?!?!!?! I'm just freaking out! Everything I've been stressed about for the last few months is just falling into place, and it's all gonna be okay! GOD IS SO GOOD! I am just so at peace. It's been a pretty crazy road, and growing up is really really scary for me, but it's gonna be okay. God will be there holding my hand the whole way.
I am just so happy you guys. I haven't been so at peace in so long. I'm so glad I'm not doing any theater projects or anything right now. I've really just been spending time with my family and just taking it easy, and it feels so good. I've really been focusing on my relationship with God. Just trusting Him and knowing I can do all things through Him. No matter how difficult. He is so fantastic! I just can't believe it! I'm just totally in aw! :)
Lets see. What else. My big sister Karen is home for the summer. It's really lovely having her home. I wish Clara was here too. She's thinking about staying in Ellensburg over the summer. I'm not too happy about that. I miss her so much when she's gone. The house just isn't the same without her. But we'll see. :P
Well, I think that's all for now. I'll probably post later this week about the interview and all that good stuff. I gotta go do something productive now.

50 days of unrestrained rejoicing.

hey you guys!
so, here we are. the wonderful Easter season. I meant to post during holy week about Triduum. But I didn't get around to it. Which is sad. Cause I had some awesome things to say about that. Triduum is one of my favorite parts of being catholic. It's like, an explosion of grace. It's wonderful. Especially this year. This lent was really, really fruitful for me. I learned a lot and I could really feel God there with me. It was just fantastic.
So here we are, 11 days into Easter, with 39 days to go. Cc is a pretty happy duck. I've got a lot going on. This previous weekend, I went on a retreat with the Young Apostles, which is a special group at my youth group that I'm apart of. It only lasted two short days, but that short time was filled with so much grace and love and goodness. It was so relaxing and beautiful. we didn't really do much. we were at the Immaculate Heart retreat house, which is way up on the south hill almost in the middle of no where. The retreat it's self wasn't really anything out of the ordinary. As a group we finished reading "The Introduction to the Devout Life" by St. Frances DeSales, which is a book we've been reading and discussing together. We went to mass together and we sang praise and worship. We didn't have any speakers or organized games or anything. we made dinner together the one evening we were there, we set up the dining room like a fine dining establishment, we all dressed up the boys acted as our waiters, and it was just a good time. it was about 100 times better then going to a real fancy restaurant. We all worked together to make the dinner, make pretty table settings, and it was good teem work and bonding time. We were just simply being together, and somehow that was enough. Young Apostles is a really special group. I don't really know the kids there very well, I mean, I know them, I've been going to youth group with them for two years or so, but I don't really REALLY know them, ya know? I've never hung out one on one with any of them. But somehow, at this retreat I was able to feel more comfortable around them then I feel around some of my closer friends. it was really nice. It was a family like experience, and I could just tell that that was where I belonged. and I got to know some the people better. I made friends. and I felt so purely happy. It's been awhile since I've felt like that. God is so so wonderfully good. That retreat was just perfect timing for me. I really, really needed that. such a blessing. Even now I just feel so at peace and happy. I can't believe how anyone could not see God's beauty and goodness, and not want to feel this happiness that can only come from Him. Do you ever get that feeling? Like everyone is missing out and that you're the happiest person in the world? It makes me kind of sad, knowing how so many people will never be truly purely happy. It just makes me want to go out and invite people in.
Anyway. This week has been pretty busy. Yesterday My big sister Karen came home for the summer. It's so good to have her home. It feels so empty around the house when my sisters are missing. This summer is gonna be fantastic. Yesterday I also took my first step into applying for Running Start. I took this test that would determine what grade I'm supposedly in. it was rough... especially because my sisters all said that it was a breeze, and it really wasn't for me. Some of it was, the grammar and vocab and that kinda stuff was okay. though, I was having a hard time reading quickly. I'm a pretty slow reader, and even slower under pressure. I've never takin a timed test before, so that wasn't fun. at all. I'm about 100% sure I failed the math section. they didn't let us have calculators, and they were all word problems, so it just wasn't good. I didn't answer enough of the questions to even be close to completing the percentage of right questions I needed to get to pass. I don't know how it's gonna work now. The lady we talked to afterwards said that all that really mattered was the reading stuff, but if you fail one part of the section, doesn't that mean you fail the whole thing? I don't know. I came home a emotional wreck. not fun. I'm just scared and confused and don't know what's gonna happen next. supposedly I'm going to have to take another test in the next two weeks. not excited. It's not fun to feel like your stupid. I'm sure that this test doesn't set the rest of my life or school future, but it's still not okay with me. I'm slightly freaking out. sometimes I think maybe I don't wanna do running start this year... maybe I wanna wait another year. but I don't know. I'm pretty sure this is what I wanna do. but I don't know. I don't know. I've really been enjoying homeschooling lately. it's really wonderful. I'm not sure I've always appreciated it. but lately I just feel so so blessed. It's such a wonderful thing to be growing up around your family, rather then your peers. being surrounded by people who love you no matter what. being able to go to them for everything, and trust that they will be there to help you with no matter what your going through, cheering you on and helping you grow. I'm just so happy where I am right now. I love my family. I love being independent in my schooling. I love learning life lessons around the house, learning to take care of a house and my siblings. And sometimes I think I'm just not ready to give that up yet. maybe my dad's right, maybe I do wanna be a teenager for a few more years. I don't know. it's all just really fuzzy, and taking that test really scared me. *sigh* so yeah. that's whats on my mind today.
Oh! But I do have some happy news! I can't remember if I wrote about this once already, but TAC announced awhile ago that they were doing another social awareness show this summer, titled "Fighting for Myself.". And guess who got invited!!!! DIS GIRL RIGHT HERE!!!!! *happy dance* found out tuesday evening. I could not be more excited. it's certainly gonna be a ride. This it a short synopsis and character list and stuff. if you hit "Cast list and Production notes" you can get more info. But yeah, It's gonna be a lot different then Juvie was. I'm so excited to learn and dig deeper. Especially with these issues. *sigh* It's gonna be a good time. And I know all but one of the 8 girls who were cast. I'm really, really excited to be doing another ensemble piece. :D So yeah. That's my theater news!
Otay. I think I gotta move on with my day. lots to do, lots to do. :) life is good! God is good!