Right where I belong

This has really been quite the week. I started work. I. Love. It. It's been a little rough at times, learning the ropes and all, but for the most part everyone's been really welcoming and understanding when I mess up. Which I've done a lot. Honestly, I'm having so much fun working that it doesn't even seem like a job. I feel like I'm just there because I love it. I think that's pretty cool. I love being around people and making sure everyone's safe. I love being able to people watch without it being creepy. ;) I love the professionalism, but slight goofiness of my fellow co-workers. I love feeling like I'm apart of something big. I love cleaning and knowing that I'm helping make the building run smoothly. it's really quite fantastic. And I love knowing that I'm going to be learning a lot of life skills while I'm doing this job. Direct communication for instance. I'm not very good at that. But this is a job where you HAVE to be direct. Especially at the Y, they make a point to speak directly with their patrons. When you tell someone not to do something, if possible, you get down from your stand, and talk to the patron about what they're doing wrong, how they could get hurt, and what they could do instead. It's really very affective and direct and just fabulous! I love it. It's a little tricky for me, but I'm glad that's the way it is. I'm also gonna learn how to be assertive and enforce rules effectively. And that's also pretty exciting. There are a lot of other things too, but those are some big ones.
I must admit, the job is a bit lonely. I don't usually talk to the other lifeguards unless I'm cleaning with them, or I have a question. And even then it's kind of short and curt. there are certain people I do talk to more then others, and I enjoy their company, but for the most part I'm on my own. And that's okay. The loneliness gives me time to chat with God. :) On my 15-30 minute breaks, I like to go over to the teen room and talk to the employees over there. Jeez, those guys are some of the sweetest people you'll ever meet. They're fun, and they want to know about you, and they're just so kind and understanding. I was watching them work with the other teens there and it was just beautiful. It's really fantastic and I just love being over there. :)

I think my favorite part of the day is between Surveillance duty, during the 15 minutes I get to clean the bathrooms and squeegee the deck and do what ever little chores need to be done. as crazy as that sounds. I love to sing in the big bathrooms with the fabulous acoustics. I love to dance with the squeegee. I love doin jigs across the pool deck so that I keep my blood moving. I love testing the chemicals in the pool, and watching the water in the tube go from pink to clear to pink again. It's just so fun. SO FUN. I also love working on the splash pad, and being able to talk to the kids I'm guarding and stuff. not to a point to distract me, but enough to get my fill of children. I love kids. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.
So yeah. It's a fabulous place for a Cc. God is so good for setting me up exactly where I need to be. I'm just so thankful. He is so GOOD!

I'm kinda floating on top of the world. can you tell? hahahhaa.

So. Today being my day off, I decided to bake something. we're having a guest over for a movie tonight, so we called him and asked what special treat he would like to have while we watch the movie. And what does he say? Creme Brulee. My first thought was "WHAT THE HECK!?". My second was "jeez, that kinda sounds like fun." So I spent a few hours this afternoon making Creme Brulee. It was super duper fun. we even bought the special little bowls for them. and of course we got to use blow torches to burn the top. that was harder then I thought it would be, but it was super fun. AND, I nailed it on the first try. It was smoooth and creeeeamy and sweeeeet and just perfect. I was very pleased. Definitely a treat we're gonna have to make for special events. I'm excited.

So here we are, the last week of June. Honestly, I'm freaking out a little bit. July and August are by far the craziest months of the year. and this year, they are pretty jam packed. The beginning of July I'll be trying to balance working and helping out set up the VBS at my youth group, as well as help teach swimming lessons as SCC. (can't stay away from it. I honestly can't. it's like my home. ) On the 16th my dear cousins come into town from Louisiana for my Great Aunt and Uncle's 50th wedding anniversary, I'll probably be going up to Aunt Perky's house to spend a week with them, cause I freakin love my cousins. SO. EXCITED. the day after I get home from that I'll be going to the LEAD program with my youth group, which is a Catholic Leadership conference. I've heard a lot of fabulous things about it and I'm anticipating coming back totally in aw. that weekend I'll be attending Steubenville NW, which is another conference that kind of Connects to LEAD, but it's for like, EVERYONE rather then select kids. There's usually 2000 kids who come, not counting the adults. I've been before, and it is SO amazing. It was one of the highlights of my summer in 2009. I didn't get to go last year cause I was gone, but I'm so stoked to be going again. So that raps up July.
In August I'll be finishing up swimming lessons, Helping at VBS for a week, Plus Davids 5th birthday (HOLY BROWN COW) and my 16th birthday the next week. That week is usually jam packed with festivities. Then the week after that, Karen leaves and goes back to Michigan, and I start rehearsals for "Fighting for Myself" at TAC, which will be every week day for 4 weeks till the end of September. and that's basically my life in a really big nutshell.

Mmk. so now after writing that down I'm officially freaked out and a little stressed. good grief. ooooh yeah, and I still need to take my Math Placement test for the Falls.... crap. so I'll be studying for that... I have to take it by September. Meh. not fun. okay. I'm gonna go now. To finish up, life is good, I'm super happy. :)

oh look, a wall.

So, you know how God tells us to go out and tell people about him and be a light in the darkness and all that stuff? I have a huge hunger for that. I have a hunger to have in depth discussions about my faith and tell people why and what I believe in. I have this abundant amount of spiritual wealth and knowledge that has embedded itself into my heart, and I want to share everything I know with people.
So, God planted this hunger, knowledge, and this love in my heart. And I have the tools I need to do what I need to do. But when someone challenges my faith or asks a question, my brain shorts out. My response is usually something like "ah.. dowa...ahh... eeeeeeh...wha... nooo nooot rightttt!!!" And I get so flustered with my self because I have no articulation abilities what so ever, that I can't make an decent statement. It's quite literally like I run in to a wall and I can't get over it. I'm getting so tired of this being the case. Especially now in High School, where I really am getting challenged in my faith and people are asking me questions. I want to be able to say what I mean and mean what I say. I want to know that I'm saying the right thing. But it's soooo hard. :P I can articulate over the Internet. I have no problem with that. I have a friend that I'm constantly debating with, and there have been heated debates about abortion and birth control and other subjects I'm passionate about that I've discussed over the Internet. And that's fine cause I don't have to answer right away and I can really think about things and research and stuff. But once I'm on the spot face to face with someone, I can't do it. So I guess the real problem is thinking on my feet. I suppose practice makes perfect on that kinda thing. But it's so hard to know that I know the answers, but have to learn how to verbalize them. You would think that the two would go hand in hand. and I wish they did. but they don't. And it makes me angry. *sigh* So, I think I might start thinking up questions and verbalizing the answers here for a start. Just for a personal challenge. It will be my project over the summer.

You know, I'm starting to think I have a SuperWoman complex... infact, I think I know I have a SuperWoman complex. See, this problem is probably a perfectly normal problem that everyone comes across and learns to conquor. But me, being a Cc, I'm pretty sure I shouldn't have this problem, cause I'm superwoman and I can do things that normal people would have trouble with. And I guess it kinda hurts my pride when I find out I'm not actually SuperWoman. But maybe I should except that I'm a pretty normal flawed human being. And no body's gonna be disappointed in me if I can't do everything perfect the first time. It's really okay. And I will learn and grow and make mistakes. Cause that's just how life works, huh?

Well anyway. Life is good. I haven't started work yet, but I should be getting a call soon from my boss telling me to come in and do orientation and giving me hours and all that. I filled out my first W2 a few days ago. I decided that I don't actually like filling out form after form after form... It's really not all that fun... by the end of a 3 inch stack of papers, I was about ready to scream. hahahah. Luckily my mom was there to help me out and walk me through it. I would have been in tears if she hadn't been there. Good grief. Lemme tell ya, I'm glad I don't have to do that again for awhile. :P

So everyone's out of school for the summer. I'm a junior now. A lot of my friends are seniors now, which is completely mind blowing to me.... I'm actually not so thrilled about high school being halfway over... It occurs to me that my best friends will be off to college a year before I am.... That's terrifying. But I'm trying not to think of that. I'm glad summer's here... It's gonna be a crazy one. I think this has been one of the most intense school years I've had... Looking back to September when I was working on JUVIE, and then thinking about all the events that have happened from then to now, it's crazy. God is so good. Thinking about all the times where He has had his hand over the situation the whole time, even if it seemed like total chaos at the time. He was there taking care of it. :)

Otay. I'm off to go to a Graduation party for a friend. sorry this post was so scatterbrained. it's that kind of day.

"Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and kindle in them the fire of your love. Send forth your Spirit and they shall be created. And You shall renew the face of the earth."

Results

So guess what you guys? I'm officially an employed lifeguard. :D
sorry bout that last post. I was scared out of my mind. the swim test was a breeze. I didn't need to be worried. That's usually how it turns out about 95% of the time. But oh well. That's how the Cc rolls.
I'm SO EXCITED! The people who will be working with me are super fun and nice. I enjoyed my time with them. It just seems like a good situation all the way around. The job pays more then minimum wage, so that's definitely a bonus. I'll be making some lovely greens this summer, and I'm gonna be having a good time doing it! So I'm set! I'll be going in sometime this week to sign some papers and get my hours, and then I'm ready to roll.
Dats all for now!

This is me not freaking out. really.

Psh, I'm calm! I don't know what you guys are worried about! I'm fineee!! I'm toootally fine...
Thinking positive. Thiiiiinking positive. no room for Negative thoughts here in this brain. nope. nope nope nope.
So, I did that job interview last week right? yeah. well, it went well. I was the only one out of everyone who had been interviewed so far that already had their Lifeguard Certification. so I was ahead of the game right off da bat. which is good. I freaked out a few times in my head... I answered some questions not as well as I could have. But all in all it was pretty successful, and a learning experience, and I think that's a good thing. I tried my best not to pick apart every little thing I said afterward and beat myself up about it. It was hard though. I got a call yesterday from the Y asking me to come in for a swim test today at 4:00. I really shouldn't be worried. I'm a fairly good swimmer, being that I've spent every summer for the past 5 years at a swimming pool... I'm certainly not the best swimmer in the whole wide world, but I'm not the worst... I have to swim 300 meters, and do some brick diving and assists and all that fun stuff. I think I'm mostly worried about the 300 meters. which is totally pathetic. I've done way more then that. 300 meters is only 6 laps. but I'm still totally terrified. I think I'm just freaked out because in the back of my mind I'm thinking "man, I'm so outta shape... I'm not gonna be able to make it... I'm gonna die. I'm gonna drown and embarrassed myself. I'm gonna faaaaaail" because I'm pretty convinced I fail at everything. in reality, they're not actually looking for the best swimmer i the world. they're just looking for someone who can swim well enough to swim while holding another body if needed. and I can do that no problem. so I shouldn't be scared. but I am. and it's stupid.
I guess I'm also pretty scared about this whole having a job thing in general.... this is actually a job... where you get paid... and you have to be professional and all that... and if you show up late or do something horribly wrong, you get fired... and that's just pretty scary to me! all that responsibility. :P plus, this job is potentially an all year round job. which is super duper cool, but it's like, woah, this will be my job... for a long time... weird... ya know? I don't know. it's like, wooooah potential future! you follow me? yes? no? I don't know. :P But what ever happens, it's God's will, right? So it's gonna be okay either way. otay. I gotta go. I have to go in less then an hour. meeeeeeeh.