This is me not freaking out. really.

Psh, I'm calm! I don't know what you guys are worried about! I'm fineee!! I'm toootally fine...
Thinking positive. Thiiiiinking positive. no room for Negative thoughts here in this brain. nope. nope nope nope.
So, I did that job interview last week right? yeah. well, it went well. I was the only one out of everyone who had been interviewed so far that already had their Lifeguard Certification. so I was ahead of the game right off da bat. which is good. I freaked out a few times in my head... I answered some questions not as well as I could have. But all in all it was pretty successful, and a learning experience, and I think that's a good thing. I tried my best not to pick apart every little thing I said afterward and beat myself up about it. It was hard though. I got a call yesterday from the Y asking me to come in for a swim test today at 4:00. I really shouldn't be worried. I'm a fairly good swimmer, being that I've spent every summer for the past 5 years at a swimming pool... I'm certainly not the best swimmer in the whole wide world, but I'm not the worst... I have to swim 300 meters, and do some brick diving and assists and all that fun stuff. I think I'm mostly worried about the 300 meters. which is totally pathetic. I've done way more then that. 300 meters is only 6 laps. but I'm still totally terrified. I think I'm just freaked out because in the back of my mind I'm thinking "man, I'm so outta shape... I'm not gonna be able to make it... I'm gonna die. I'm gonna drown and embarrassed myself. I'm gonna faaaaaail" because I'm pretty convinced I fail at everything. in reality, they're not actually looking for the best swimmer i the world. they're just looking for someone who can swim well enough to swim while holding another body if needed. and I can do that no problem. so I shouldn't be scared. but I am. and it's stupid.
I guess I'm also pretty scared about this whole having a job thing in general.... this is actually a job... where you get paid... and you have to be professional and all that... and if you show up late or do something horribly wrong, you get fired... and that's just pretty scary to me! all that responsibility. :P plus, this job is potentially an all year round job. which is super duper cool, but it's like, woah, this will be my job... for a long time... weird... ya know? I don't know. it's like, wooooah potential future! you follow me? yes? no? I don't know. :P But what ever happens, it's God's will, right? So it's gonna be okay either way. otay. I gotta go. I have to go in less then an hour. meeeeeeeh.