future? :P

Slow. week. blah.
you know those weeks where the minutes go by reeeeally slowly... and everyday feels like the same.. and you don't feel like you're getting anything productive done? yep. that's the kind of week I'm having. which is kinda surprising to me, cause Sunday and Saturday were really happy nice days, and I was all optimistic about this week and was ready to kick some butt... and now that I'm here... I just want to stay in my bed. all day long. blaaaaaaaaah. I'm anti social too. I don't wanna see anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone. actually, that was a lie. I DO want to talk to people. but when ever I do I just get annoyed and angry. today I was going through and organizing pictures from the last 6 or so months. I found myself glaring at some of the people in the pictures. not good. and it's not like I'm angry at those people at the moment, I was just angry at their faces.... oh dear... I don't feel good... why is it only tuesday? this weekend seems like forever away. it probably is. 4 days away. that's forever.
on Saturday I have the first rehearsal for the Juvie encore. I'm getting really excited. we're gonna do a read through, and play games, and watch the DVD, and start blocking again. it's gonna be supah dupah fun. :D really, really, really excited. not excited enough to get me out of this bad mood though. meh. it's so far awaaaay. :-/
you know what else I'm getting slightly excited about? school. yeah, I know. I've been complaining about it for forever. and now I'm thinkin "YEAAAAAAAAH LETS DO THIS THING". I'm crazy. but I'm just ready for it, ya know? I mean, I'm not wanting it to be here RIGHT NOW, I'm fine with the distance between now and this fall. but I feel like it's time. and I'm excited about getting my hands dirty and learning. it's a good feeling. much better then the "oh my goodness I don't wanna take the SAT I don't wanna do running start I just want to RUN AWAAAAY" feeling. :P you know what's weird though? my dad doesn't want me to go. he keeps encouraging me to wait another year or two, and telling me things like "I just want you to be a kid for a little longer". and of course, me being the Cc who wants to please everybody and make everybody else happy, it worries me, and I don't know what to do... what if going to school does actually mean I throw my last few teenage years away? I know there's gonna be a lot more stress then I'm used to dealing with. I wont have as much time for doing things I really love. I wont spend as much time with my family. My mom told me today that my dad is also worried about the boys that will be there. see, I don't know if I've ever mentioned this before, but I'm kinda a guy magnet. I don't try to be.. I don't want to be... it just happens... I'm a Cc. and lately I've been having a lot of guy drama. and that's been hard. my mom told me awhile ago that I'm a "natural flirt". I believe it. sometimes I'm a flirt even when I don't realize I'm flirting. I don't think too much about my actions. and then something happens, the guy will want to ask me out, and I'll have to put my foot in my mouth. ouch. I guess I'm becoming a very beautiful young lady, and I'm slightly oblivious to the fact. and then all the sudden guys are asking me out and flirting with me and it's overwhelming and confusing and I don't know what to do, or sometimes I do know what to do, and I don't have the courage to do it, and then about 75% of the time I do the wrong thing. but I am learning. I really am. it's just hard... and so my dad, he knows that there will be guys there. older guys. scarier guys. not just 14-16 year old guys who think themselves "in love" with Cc. older guys who probably don't have the best intentions. And Cc will have to deal with it and be all Mature. And he's worried about his Cc. and I'm not really sure what to think about that. I'm worried too, but at the same time, I'm gonna have to learn to deal with it someday, I can't stay the same naive Cc for forever. I need to learn grow and be strong, and I think it's time. as much as it scares me, I want to move on. God will be there with me. I don't think I'd be very happy if I waited another year. I'd be restless and frustrated and all that anxiety I have about school would just grow. :-/
so yeah. I'm worried about my daddy. and I'm worried about what I should do. and then there's the whole summer job thing... I really want to get a job. I really wanna be a lifeguard and earn some money and all that good stuff... but at the same time, this is my last summer before I start school... and I kinda feel like I need to be at home with my family. plus, I'm gonna have to take a lot of time off, cause I have two retreats that I'm going to with my Youth Group, and then the family reunion sometime in july. so I'm not really sure what to do about that. I've been waiting to get this job since I was what, 10? and now that I'm finally old enough, I'm not sure I should. gahhhhhh.. life isn't easy, is it? with all it's changes and decisions. meh.

okay. I think I need to move on with my grumpy day. try to do something productive. maybe I'll make dinner tonight. that would make things better. I like making dinner.
otay. have a nice evening ever